Australia 2010: A Choice to Make, Death or Life?

Well here I am, a bittersweet moment for me to writing this. It feels like for months now I have been writing about, praying for, fundraising for, planning for, anticipating this trip and now here I am sitting down to write once again, but the anticiaption is replaced with pure awe at the goodness and beauty of the God I serve and the perfection of His plans. It makes me wonder why I ever doubt, ever worry or ever desire to figure things out on my own; He is just so perfect and my mind truly could never conceive His ways or His love for me.

There is probably enough to write an entire book about this past month of my life spent in Australia, however right now I just want to focus on one story in particular. This story is particularly near to my heart because through it the Lord showed me exactly why He placed me on this trip. I can honestly say that if I was in Autralia for the past month for no other reason then this one young woman, that was more then enough. Gratned, the Lord did hunderds of incredible things in ministry, in the individual lives of my team members, in my personal life, set up divine encounters, and birthed a specific God-given vision for my life. However, none hails in comparision to what He did in the middle of the outback, in a small aboriginal village called Bre...

The entire reason i chose to go to Australia to begin with was becuase of thier incredibly high sucicide rates...I felt an urgent call to go to this nation b/c the Lord gave me a vision of how for many of the people there, it truly is a matter of life and death...they have a choice to make. With Deut. 30:15 flowing through my mind, I knew the Lord gave me this vision of ministering to someone who was on the verge of choosing death. I knew He had called me to speak the words of LIFE to this individual or group and tell them there is another way--there is hope and freedom in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. To help them realize they have the choice to choose LIFE or death, but that LIFE is so worth it, a choice that I had to make in my own life at one point.

After a couple of days of settling in, we headed out on a 15 hour drive into the outback to go spend 10 days in a small and broken aborginal village called Brewarrina. In Bre, alcoholism, drugs, and sexual immorality are all norms for most of the people in the community. There is also a lot of bitterness towrds white people as a result of past hurts.

Specifically, the Lord sent me to Bre for a divine purpose which was made clear over my time there. On our first afternoon in Bre, we had the youth centre open and most of the kids were running around and having a blast. There was one girl, however, who seemed a bit older and was just sitting alone in the corner. Instantly, I was drawn to her and the Lord began speaking to me about her life. I knew she had plenty of hurts and heartaches and somehow i knew that I could relate to her. He literally spoke words, His words, through my mouth to her from day one. We instantly conected and she just began telling me a lot about Bre and its history and her family life and so forth. Over the next seven days, I continued reaching out to her and spending every mintute of the youth centre time talking to her and listening to her. I also got the privalige of getting to know her 5 younger siblings who came as well. The night before our last night, two people from our group shared testimonies whcih was followed by small group time. In small groups, we were talking about how everyone has a story to tell. I turned to Amelia and said Amelia, I know you have a story. She just kind of shook her head and smiled. The next day (our last day) we went and sat down to say our last goodbyes. She turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Courtney, I want to tell you my story, but I cant say it to you. Could you give me paper and i will write it?" So I went and got her paper and a pen and she went outside and wrote it. She came back 20 mins later and handed it to me. She said not to read it until she left. I begged her to let me read it before she left, though I already knew what it would say bc the Lord has shown me, yet I wanted to be able to talk to her about it more since she didnt know that I knew. This is the letter she wrote to me....

6/29/10


Hey-
Um well ever since I was little, I felt left out, like my dad would play with the others, and I remember me just leaning over the side left out.
I pretty much wish I was dead most of the time. When I lost my aunty it felt like I lost everything she was someone I can tell stuff. But you’re the only person I can tell my story and I wish you would stay.
Every now and then I wish I wasn’t born, it’s like why am I here? I still do and I think it will never go away. I would like to thank you so much for everything I will never forget you, you will always be in my heart. I even sometimes say I hate everyone, even my mum and dad.
iLy. Xoxox Amelia.
Thanks for everything.
P.S. I don’t think I would like to see you after you read this cause its shame and start crying.

After reading this, I instantly found tears falling onto my cheeks. I went up to her and asked her to come outside with me. We walked out into the frigid night and she just put her head on my shoulder and wept. I said a few comforting words and gave her a minute. Then she looked up, but refused to look me in the eye. I put my hand on her chin and lifted her face until our eyes finally locked. Then the Lord literally just put the words in my mouth...I couldnt even tell you all that came out, but I know that morning I had memorized Jeremiah 1: 5 in my quiet time, and i know the Lord gave me that for this very moment. I told her " Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." She continued weeping. I shared with her how there was a time in my life when i felt hopeless and purposeless. That i always had this emptyness inside of me that i tried for years to fill with all of these different things, but nothing ever satisfied that emptyness. Enstead, all those things led me down a path of destruction to the point where I didnt want to live anymore...how I was once at the point where she was at now. Then I got to share how the only thing that is desgined to fit inside that empty hole is the love of Christ. I got to continue to speak Truth into her life and tell her that she could break free from the generational bondage passed down from her parents and that the Lord has good and beautiful plans for her future.I got to tell her she could choose LIFE!
Today we are facebook friends and I have gotten to continue to pursue our relationship, just like Christ has so relentlessly pursued me with His love. I have a total faith and peace that in the oncoming days and weeks Amelia is going to come to know the indescribable love of our incredible Savior for herself. The Lord did some incredible things over my month in Australia, but this moment, this precious girl...this is why He sent me to Australia this summer. So really, I cannot put my gratitude into words for your support; this young woman's life was spared because of the incredible plans of the soveriegn loving God that we are so privalged to serve. Wow. He just blows my mind.

Here is a picure of Amelia and I on our last night in Bre, her new bible in hand.

How Great is the Love of the Father

Over this past weekend, I was starting to gather and pack some things for Australia (which I leave for in just THREE days!) and in the process of doing that, this random picture fell out from a book onto the floor. I picked it up and just fell to my knees because I knew the Lord was speaking to me in that moment.
We often hear that the love of our earthly father is just a little glimpse of the love the Lord God the Father has for us. Since people are sinners and constantly let us down, it is no surprise that often times, even parents fail to meet our expectations. I know this has certainly been the case for me.
Just after I was born, my parents decided to divorce. Although my mom has full custody of me, I was shuffled back and forth between hers and my dad's every weekend growing up. Both of my parents have more hurt and heartache then I will ever know; unfortunately, without knowing the transforming love of Christ, both have pursued various ways of dealing with hurts and struggles of life which have brought destruction to their lives and negatively effected mine as well.
As long as I can remember, my dad has struggled with alcoholism. As a result of this addiction, he has made many choices over the years that have left great wounds inside of me, yet I know he never would have made without being under the influence. As a result, I have very few memories with him growing up that bring a smile to my face. Rather, when I think of my dad, it is so easy for me to just think of all of the hurt that he has caused in my life. This just leads to so much bitterness, anger, resentment, hurt, disappointment, and unforgiveness on my part. Recently, loving my dad as Christ has been quite a challenge for me. I have been praying for the Lord to heal different areas of my heart and give me the strength to choose to forgive my dad again and again.

Convinced the Lord has not been hearing my desperate pleas, I have been walking around seeing my dad through my eyes, the eyes of a selfish sinner rather then the eyes of Christ. I am constantly reminded of his shortcomings lately: the way he lets me down, the way he leaves me when I need him, the way his sin has affected my life and continues to do so, the way he has never modeled a loving father to me. So much hurt. But what can you expect from a sinner not saved by the abounding grace of our Heavenly Father. Really, apart from Christ that is who I am too…a sick, nasty sinner.

But when I look at the man in this picture, all of this hurt, this bitterness and unforgiveness and disappointment I have for my dad…it just disappears because that is not who I see when I look into those eyes. I see a proud daddy. A daddy gazing into my baby eyes with a look of selfless love and pure joy. I see a daddy loving me the best he knows how. I see a daddy trying to be there in the midst of his own hurt and heartache. I see a daddy who so desperately wants to be loved himself, a daddy searching for something to fill that empty spot inside of him. I see a daddy in desperate need of a Father himself. When I look at this picture, I see my daddy like Jesus does.

And as much as I hurt because I feel he has failed to love me like a daddy should love his little girl, how much more must he be hurting because he does not know the unfathomable love His Daddy has for Him. It got me thinking, how much do I know the love of my Daddy? I mean, I have been so busy seeking the love and acceptance of my earthly dad for years now, which is something he may never be able to give me, but regardless I have a love that doesn’t even come close to touching a father’s love for his daughter. I have a Heavenly Father who loves me in a way my mind cannot understand.
And praise God this love is not conditional. I don’t have to be good enough…I don’t have to say all the right things…even when I mess up and fall short, He still just loves me!! He gave His one and only Son to die on a cross just for me to live in freedom…just for me! Not only does He love me, but He knows me! He knows every hair on my head. He knows my thoughts. He made me! He made me and yet He knows me. He created me, yet He desires intimate relationship with me. His love is MORE then enough to satisfy the emptiness that is still that little girl in me longing for the love of a Daddy.
There is a song that brings tears to my eyes every single time I hear it. It says, “I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat. Your love is so deep, its more then I can stand, I melt in your peace, its overwhelming…” One time, I had someone tell me when they hear this song, they just remember laying on their daddy’s stomach as he would breathe up and down and just feeling so safe and protected and having this incredible picture of a father’s love through that memory. I don’t have any memories like that, but looking at this picture those words just play through my head again and again. And I LOVE that I get to do that with the Lord…just to sit at His feet, listen to His heart beat…lay back against Him and breathe…what a incredibly beautiful picture of fellowship with my Daddy!
Praise God for a Heavenly Father who loves me PERFECTLY. I think if I could really understand that, it would change everything. Lord, I want to know your love, the love you have lavished on me. The everlasting love you have for your little girl.

How Beautiful on the Mountains

Over the past several weeks, my life has been full of things changing. Usually I am not one who handles change so well, so it has been a really challenging yet the Lord is constantly refining me and just making me more like Him whihc is most important anyway right?

My whole life I have lived here in STL. Growing up I never really dreamed about seeing the world or living anywhere else; I was always pretty content here. I have had increible friends and have a wonderful family who all live here and the thought of leaving just never realistically crossed my mind. Since coming to know the Lord and plugging in at an incredible church with such a beautiful body of believers, that desire to leave definately did not increase, and even when it came to choosing a college this past fall, I knew that I wouldnt go far. After just graduating from Mercy and going into my first year of college, so many things were changing all at once and so it just made sense to spend some time at home and getting plugged back in at church and ZOE and just surrounding myself wiht other believers who I know pursuing the Lord. And this past year at Missouri Baptist has been great and I know it was totally the Lords will for me to be here for this transition season of my life. He blessed me with an incredible job nannying for a family who have become family to me. Spending time with the two boys I watch has taught me soooo much and I am constantly in awe of the Lord's perfect timing and how He just orchestrates everythign with such perfection that my mind will never understand. This year has also been wonderful to get to help out at ZOE a lot and be a part of high schoolers lives there. Most of all, I have been so blessed to be a part of a women's bible study at Church and Faith that Works, a ministry focused on older women pouring into and helping younger women. This past year, I have gotten to see the body of Christ in a way I never had before.

It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how precious these women are to me, but the Lord has placed several women in my life who have just poured Truth and scripture and wisdom and guidance and love and encouragement into my life continually over these past months. The Lord has used them countless times to speak to me about various things and to just walk by me though some tough stuff, constantly being uplifted and spurred on in y faith. I have never seen more realness and humilty in my entire life then what these women have shown me just in talking about thier own lives. I have seen the power of prayer! Man have I had some prayer warriors this year. How blessed I am that the Lord surrounded me with women who are just so persistant, steadast, obedient to the Lord, and encouraging. Most of all I loooovvvee that they are all such godly wives and moms and simply by being around them and watching them and in thier lives I have leanred so much about how to be a godly wife to my husband one day and mom to my kids. These women mean the world to me and have been such a beautiful picture of th body of Christ as the Lord intends for it to be.

So all of this to say, I know that this is exactly where the Lord wanted me to be this past year for all of these reasons, and for all of these reasons, I do not want to leave STL. However, since graduating from Mercy, I have known that the Lord hasn't called me to be comfortable in my little bubble of Wildwood, MO forever. I had no idea what that would look like or what He would ask me to do, but I have known it would come. In my head I thought maybe going across the world for a month to serve Him would do it....but it seems He had other plans.

So as I said many things in my life are about to change because in the fall I am going to be moving to Blacksburg, VA to go to school at Radford Unv. All I can say is that as scared as I am about all of these new situations and changes and as hard as it will be to leave my life here behind, I KNOW that I KNOW this is completely the Lord's will for my life. It is a crazy phenomenon that occurs when everything in your flesh doesn't want to do something, and the harder it becomes to do that one thing, the more you know you have to do it. In Phil. 4:7 Paul talks about the peace of God which transcends all understanding and this is one of those pivital moments in my walk with the Lord where I experienced what Paul talks about right here in my life when it came to deciding about Radford. I have a peace that I cannot explain or make sense of and despite the fears and insecurities of my flesh, this peace wipes it all away.

Radford University

Really that peace is more then enough, but sometimes I can be a little hard-headed and the Lord knows me well and He just knew He was gunna have to make it even mre clear to me about where He wanted me because eventhough I knew from the second I visited VA that I had a peace there, I still doubted whether or not that was really His will. Even after I got into Radford, I still had many hesitations. Of course, I'm plugged into an incredible church, get to help out at ZOE which I love, have an incredible job, get free living and food at home, have my whole family here, have all of these women who I'm learning from and with, get to do a lot of things to help out at Mercy, and have some incredible friends. I am comfortable here...its safe here. It is home. So leaving all of this to go to a state 11 hours away where I know one person just didnt make a whole lot of sense, but when does the Lord ever make sense?! So I had applied to Maryville here in STL becasue they have a great nursing program as well and found out I did NOT get accepted there. Usually that wouldnt be a big deal, but I have good grades and ACT score and such so really there is no reason for me not to get in besides the fact that it is the Lord simply closing a door to simply eliminate the option of staying here! I love how He does this. Also, all of my classes from MoBap transfered perfectly to Radford which is amazing...even my New Testament class counts for a credit at Radford and it is not even a Christian school! The Lords hand is really just all over.

My sweet roomate :)

So I will be living with four other girls in an apartment on Virginia Tech's campus and commute about 10mins to Radford. I am living with my precious friend Lesley who has been at Tech this past year and three of her firends from school. I know the Lord 's plan is just perfect and I have no idea what He has in His mind, but I know He is faithful and sovereign and He always blows my mind. I am nervous but also sooo excited to get to experience life as a college student and have to rely on the Lord in a way I never have before. I know He is just going to continue to teach me, challenge me and refine me, which really is my prayer. I have no idea what this new season of my life is going to bring, but I do know that I am just taking it one day at a time, moment by moment just being obedint to what He has told me thus far and trusting Him to show me more in His timing, but learning to be content just where I'm at. What a challenge that is sometimes!

When I went up to visit Les this past winter, the Lord gave me a verse, well two verses, on my plane ride up there. They are both in Isaiah and the first one talks about taking the good news to the mountains. This was my first time ever seeing a real mountain and so it is crazy because in the moment, I really never thought I would end up going to Radford, but the Lord was already telling me where my feet would be taking the good news...to the mountains! The other verse is about how the Lord goes before me and behind me...what a cool picture that is that He is both preparing the way ahead of me and still protecting me from the behind.

Isa. 52: 7
How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who prolcaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion "Your God reigns!"

Isa. 52:12
But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear gaurd.
  

Faithful Provider

Well I am about three weeks away from my trip which is pretty surreal to me. It seems like I have been praying for, talking about and fundraising for this trip for so long that it is crazy that it is really just about here. The Lord has been so faithful in providing for Australia and I have gotten to just see His hand all over so many situations in this process. I have learned so much about trusting Him as my provider. In these last two to three weeks I have about $950 to go until I have reached the total amount needed for this trip. There have been several fees added on to my trip total over the past several weeks which incude: shuttle transportation to and from the airport to TeenMania, going down two days early to train to be a group leader, and a fuel surcharge for flying internationally. These expenses were not initially includd in the base cost ofmy trip so I have a buit more fundraising to do to get the rest of this money in a short amount of time, but I know the Lord is big enough to provide. I just look at what has already been contributed and am completely blown away by Him. I am so blessed to literally be surrounded by this community of believers who love the Lord and love to give!

In addition to sending out a few more support letters, I am planning several car washes on May 29th and June 5th. If anyone is interested in helping out or more information about this please let me know.

I also found out a little bit about my team. As of right now there are only five other people ticketed (plane tiket is bought) to go to Australia. The deadline for this has long passed, however there is a chance more will be coming. This has been a little confusing because as of now, there are 23 of us signed up to go on this trip, but only six of us are locked in. So I really have no idea how many will end up coming, but I know the Lord has it figured out and He knows exactly who He wants on this trip and I am excited to get to meet these people and spend this month serving and learning with them.

Also, a HUGE thank you to Nancy Alcorn and Mercy Ministries for supporting as a Mercy grad on this trip as well!

He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt. deut. 10:18-19

By the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of Our Testimony!

Well yesterday was a missions morning with Faith that Works at West County and it was fabulous! I got to share what I will be doing in Australia as well as how the Lord called me to go there and through just preparing to share and everything, the Lord continued to guide me and reveal so much to me. For the first time I have an uncontainable excitement for this trip and great expectancy of all the Lord is going to do while I'm there! I got to share with two other precious girls who are both going off to do missions in India, one for the summer and the other for 2 years. It was so beautiful to me to just see how the Lord makes us each so different and puts these specific passions and callings on each of our hearts and how even in the body we just get to lift one another up and encourage and feed one another's passions. I ask for you to all be praying for these two girls as well in thier fundraising and trips. I am so blessed and thankful for the incredible women of God the Lord has placed in my life for me to learn from and just do life with. I love getting to learn what being a godly wife and mom looks like and let me just say I could not have better women to watch! 

I want to share this how the Lord has been teaching me through this verse: "When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." 1 cor. 2:1-4. This is Paul talking and I actually just finished wiritng a 15 pg. paper on Paul and his life and ministry and it is just so crazy because the more I learn about Paul, or any person really, the more I can understand why they are saying what they say and where their heart is. I love this verse becuase here is Paul talking...Paul the man who wrote 21 books in the New Testament and was so completely anointed by the Lord to preach the good news...yet he tells the corinthians that he did not come with eloquence or wisdom..that he was fearful and nevous to teach them. For me going on this trip there is a lot of fear about walking up to people on the streets and telling them about Jesus. Not to mention the fact that, I am still a baby in Christ and I certainly lack in much wisdom when it comes to the word of God since I havnt known it for long. And of course, I am not graceful nor eloquent at all when I get up to speak. But this is what Paul says...He resolved to know nothing but JESUS and he proclaimed the TESTIMONY about God. There are two huge things here. First, Paul had to know th Lord more then fear, more then insecurity, more then comparision, more then wisdom...He makes it simple...just put your eyes on Jesus b/c its not about you; this is all for the Lord. Secondly, Paul may not have had perfect words or a ton of knowledge, but one thing he did have was a personal testimony from his own experiences of how the Lord had changed his life. I mean Paul's story blows my mind b/c here is this man who persecuted and KILLED christians in the very churches where he now stands preaching. Crazy. It is also crazy that as I learned about his life, he grew up in a home which basically set him up to be against crhistianity and loyal to the jews only which is a whole other story but to say the least, Paul's life was never the same. In his conversion story in Acts 9, he talks about literally how God blinded him and then when he did what the Lord told him to Ananias came and removed the scales from his eyes...of course physically Paul could see, but more importantly spiritually he saw fr the first time.
So in preparing for Australia and sharing my testimony and telling people about Jesus, I am not going to have the perfect words nor do I have all the answers; but one thing I do know, like paul: once i as blind but now I SEE! I know that once I was hopeless and dying and now I have life, abundant life, and hope and purpose and a furture. once I was a slav to sin and now I walk in freedom and have been made righteous. No one can argue with what Jesus has done in my life. He is sooo good. and so much bigger then me! Ahhhh I love it.

Another thing the Lord has shown me lately is that ultimately, Satan's goal is to make us as ineffective as possible. He will do this by getting us to believe lies which leads to sin which leads to destruction. No matter what we struggle with, satan wants it to destroy us. He wants us to get to the point where we feel so hopeless and so purposeless that death looks like the best option. When someone is dead, obviously they are least effective. The crazy thing about this is, that as a nation, Australia currently has some of the highest suicide rates in the world and there is major spiritual warfare going on down there right now. So of course, the Lord knew this even when I did not, but He is calling me to a nation where it lierally is a matter of life and death for these young people I am going to get to minister to. And what a beautiful thing this is becuase I know that through my testimony and howthe Lord has brought me from that pit of destruction and death to where I am now...I mean by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our TESTIMONY we will OVERCOME! Oh I am just soooo excited to see as the Lord reveals just little glimpses of His will for my life and I am just overwhelmed by His perfect plans and will for me which are beyond anythign my mind could ever so much as dream. He is faithful and He is good.

Aside from everything He is doing and teaching me about Australia, He is ministering so much to my heart and restoring relationships that I have been praying for for a long time. He is continually bringing freedom to different areas of my life. Right now I am still waiting patiently with no fear and trusting Him to reveal to me His plans for me next year. But I know that even if I tried, anything I could come up with on my own or the ideas I have in my head will not even compare to what He already has written for me.

This Sunday, I will running my first 1/2 Marathon with my sweet friends Ashley and Holly. We have been training since December and I am soooo excited and ready to cross that finish line! The Lord has used these months of training and running to teach me sooo much spiritually which I definately want to share at some point. Please pray for our hearts and minds and bodies in this run! We will be running for Mercy Ministries which is so exciting b/c a year ago sitting at Mercy, I never could have imagined I would be running 13.2 miles for the very ministry which the Lord used to lead me to a life of freedom in Him! His plans are so HUGE and BEAUTIFUL!

Speaking of Mercy, last week my sweet sister in Christ Teresa graduated and tomorrow she will be moving to STL to stay with a wonderful family and I'm so excited to have her here!! This is on her grad day...

Last weekend I got to hang out with some wonderful girls and unfortunately the chocolate bar was closed so we filled up on Mexican and gooey butter cake instead!

My one picture from Easter...

Love these women of God the Lord has blessed me with!

A Much Needed Break!

Well the Lord has it all figured out...the couple of problems which were preventing me from making a cook book to sell for Australia have been totally worked out! The Lord is so good...He always makes a way when it seems impossible! Why do I ever doubt Him? Soooo this week I will be collecting some recipes from family and friends to put this book together and get it sent off to be made. Hopefully in about four weeks I will be getting 200 copies which I will start selling! If you want to pre-order one that will be available too! More to come on this fundraiser.

Well this past week for me was spring break and this upcoming week is like another spring break since I am off from work. I have definately needed this last week and upcoming week to get some things done! I hope this next week will be a little more relaxing but I do love using this extra time to spend time with sweet freinds and family. Two of my bestest friends have been home from college this week and I got to spend some wonderful time with them both. Also, I got to go to Chicago and back in one day! It was an adventure for sure and so exciting to see such a HUGE city! We got furniture for Phillip and Shelly's new house from Ikea (which is a crazy place in itself) and tried to find a prom dress for KP with no sucess :( But I got to spend sweet time with my adopted mom Kelli and with KP in the windy city! Here are some pictures from my week....

Les and me down at the loop...saw this random spiderman hanging from a building...

Went for a hike at Castlewood Park with Julie...

Then off to Chicago...

I was blown away by the stores!!! Like 13 floors of Macys?!?! Insanity.

My adopted mom and me :)

She took us to this awesome pizza place...I hate cheese but I did try it and the crust was delicous!

So fun!

Last stop: Ikea! Wish you were with us Shelly...hope you love it all though!

This place is CRAZY!

I Know The Plans I Have For You

Well slowly but surely the money for Australia is coming, but I still have a ways to go. I found out that although the cook book was an incredible idea, due to a lack of time, it is not going to be something I can do for this trip, but what a great idea! I have handed out a ton more M&M cans so I know that will help a lot. Other then that, I'm looking for ideas!
Last week I got to share an updated version of my testimony in a women's bible study and really just talked about what the Lord is doing right now in my life and even the areas I am struggling. It was so great to be able to be real about the sin in my life and proclaim the incredible love and freedom in Christ. I know that it has really opened up a lot of doors for me to be able to start forming my testimony for Australia and the Lord used this oppurtunity to just give me confidence in Him and a boldness to share what He is doing in my life. It is so crazy just how the more my security is in Him, everything else makes sense.
This past weekend I was just getting to spend some time talking out different struggles in my life right now with a friend and oddly one of them that she brought up was this Australia trip. At first I was kind of taken aback by her comment, but then I realized really quickly that there was some kind of a disconnect between me and my desire to go on this trip and this process of fundraising and the Lord had been trying to call my attention to it, but I just sort of ignored Him, knowing I had bigger issues then this. But He is just so patient and so constant. Eventually I guess He knew I would submit to the process. Basically, He showed me that when I first signed up for this trip, I was a totally different girl then who I am now. And praie the Lord for that and how He is continually drawing us closer, refining, teaching, etc and there is no way I should expect to ever stay the same...I always want Him to be changing me through my time with Him...everyday. But as a result, I have internally been struggling with the honest truth that if I could choose to go on a mission trip right now, it would not be to Australia nor would it be with the ministry I am going with. However, the Lord knew that in my immaturity and not so pure heart motives I would choose this and the incredible thing is that He has showed me some incredible things about His sovereighnty in my life through this situation...He has it all figured out no matter what, and His ways are sooo perfect!
Basically, if I could choose to go on a mission trip, it would be to an underprivaliged counrty in need of medical care...medical missions is my heart. But enstead I am going to "glamorous" Australia to perform dramas, share the gospel on the streets of sydney, and minister to an unreached people group outside the city. (Which are all incredible things and people will be saved and Jesus will be made known) BUT if you knew me at all, you may think this is a joke. For one, I am not a performer to say the least; I am the girl holding the camera, not the one on it! Being at ZOE for a couple yrs now, I have not once been on the camera or in any of skits they do; that is honestly the last thing I would ever want to do! Secondly, when I go to the store, pass someone in the park, talk to people at school, etc I am yet to have the boldness to tell them about Jesus; yet I am going to another country to do just that...and in the middle of a city to top it off! Yet the Lord knew all of this. He has basically shown me that although I may not want to go to Australia to share the gospel and perform dramas and talk to people (all out of my comfort zone) and that I may think my gifts could be better used on a different trip, He knew the entire time what the purpose of this trip was...it wasnt ever about me choosing the "wrong" one and that even in my weakness, His power is made perfect...see He knew from the start that in my immaturity I would sign up for this...He knew I would come to this point where I didnt really have a passion to go on it or regret that Im not going somewhere else...BUT He knew that He had been preparing for such a time as this and for this exact trip. I know that I dont feel comfortable performing in front of a big audience. I know I'm not great at sharing the gospel with a stranger. But He knew that too...and He has made it so clear to me that regaurdless of my desire, this is just what He wants to do in me. I am finally excited about this trip and just blown away by the hand of God on my life in every single possible way and so humbled by His sovergnity. I am not going to Australia for me; I'm going out of obedience to the Lord and I know that it is gooing to push me out of what is comfortable and challenge me in so many ways, but with Him I can do anything. I know He is not going to give me more then I can handle either. I know our ministry will be so glorifying to Him and I pray that hundreds will proclaim His name over our time there, but regaurdless of what He does through us, I have incredible expectation for what He is preparing to do in me through this misson trip.
Even when I doubt and dont understand, I know that every single time His ways and plans are far better then anything I could ever imagine or come up with in my own strength!
Jer 29:11...For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future!