I am excited to see as God moves me into a new season of life and watch as He continues to break hearts for these precious young women and children enslaved to human trafficking.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
New Blog
Okay so my new blog is officially up and running...it's definately not complete and in the beginning stages, so check back for updates soon to come. I will still blog most things on this one, but anything related to or pertaining to trafficking or this campaign can be found on the new one.
http://fightingsextrafficking.blogspot.com/
I am excited to see as God moves me into a new season of life and watch as He continues to break hearts for these precious young women and children enslaved to human trafficking.
I am excited to see as God moves me into a new season of life and watch as He continues to break hearts for these precious young women and children enslaved to human trafficking.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Three Years
Three years ago, I made the decision to make Jesus the Lord of my life. I can remember standing in the coffee aisle at Dierburgs with Ash like it was yesterday. That moment was the beginning of a journey. A journey that doesn’t end, praise the Lord, until I get to see Him face to face. The past three years have been so far from my wildest imagination. The pain. The victories. The hurts. The hope. And yet, the promises of His Word, the moments spent in His presence…it’s enough to make it until He comes back. He has always been faithful.
Someday I hope to get to share in depth of where I have walked with Jesus and what the last three years have looked like for the two of us. One day, I will share about some moments in the depths of the blackest pit and the journey of Him pulling me into the light. I pray that when that day comes, oh how gloriously His name will be lifted on High through sharing His encompassing hand of faithfulness in my life.
But for now, I do want to share some of the hope which has carried me through some of the darkest weeks of my life, about a year ago. I have clung to these Truths over and over and over again in the past year of loving Jesus. And today, well, on this day, this one promise that has carried me through seems to have a particularly significant and overwhelming PROMISE for my life.
Let’s first look at John 15:1-8:
The Vine and the Branches
1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
Last year, around this time, Ash had me listen to this sermon on this passage. Over the past year, I have come to cling to the Truths I learned from it. I learned that there are two groups of branches in this passage…branches that bear fruit (Christians) and branches that don’t bear fruit (?). The branches that don’t bear fruit can be referred to as Judas branches because Judas willingly walked away from Jesus.
See, at this point in my life, there was little to no fruit in my life. There was a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, a lot of trouble and affliction. There were days when I didn’t function, quite honestly, days when making it out of bed just wasn’t going to happen. I was broken and hurting. Mostly, I was confused. At this point, I had been in love with Jesus for several years. I had been healed of many issues from my past. I was a graduate of Mercy Ministries! And yet, there was so little fruit in my life. I was continually told that as a Christian, I should see fruit. But I didn’t. This caused a season of doubt…was I really a believer? Could I lose my salvation? Why wasn’t there fruit in my life? Was it ever going to change? Would my life ever reflect the love for Jesus I knew I had in my heart? There was so little peace. Mostly, a whole lot of pain. Sometimes, it just blinded me quite honestly. I feel like I walked though most of this season literally squinting the whole time because the pain was just unbearable most days. But the Truth of this sermon gave me hope for what was coming…
Much of this parable is taken into the context of real life, modern day farming and plant care. In real life, the role of the farmer greatly parallels the role of the heavenly Father in our lives.
The farmer must do 2 things:
1.) cut off the branches that bear no fruit, otherwise they will suck the energy and nutrients away from the good ones
2.) prune the fruit-bearing branches constantly so they could bear more fruit
The Father must do 2 things:
1.) take away the branch with no fruit
• He just cuts it off…doesn’t try to fix it…He burns it!
• Judas type is cut off and cast aside…1st duty of the Father.
2.) purge the good branches with fruit
• to cleanse, prune
• must be tended to carefully…drastic pruning necessary
• must get rid of the shouts
How does the Farmer Prune?
1. Pinching- removes only the end
2. Topping- removes the first 1-2 feet of large branches so they don’t get too large
3. Thinning- removes clusters so nothing is lost
How does the Father Prune?
He prunes with the knife…the Word of God.
1. affliction- the handle where God gets the grip
2. trouble- the point of penetrating the wood
3. suffering- the chopping away, the grueling pain
At this point, we tend to ask, God, do you really know what you are doing? It just HURTS SO MUCH!
But we must remember, as the shouts grow, the Gardner must prune and purge what drains away life.
We must also know that He is helping us to bear more fruit in the long-run! He is IN THIS…He is good.
The Pruning Process must become a joy because we must see past the clipping…this process will come to an end eventually. WHEN?? I can remember crying out to God asking Him often, Lord when will it be enough? When will you leave me alone? When will the pain even stop?
This is the most beautiful Truth I have learned in much of my walk with Christ. It is commonly a well-known fact to farmers that when one is growing a tree or plant, you CANNOT ALLOW the tree to bear fruit for THREE YEARS. Even when it looks like it wants to bear fruit, the farmer must prune it, cutting it back enough so that after THREE YEARS, it will be able to produce crazy fruit for years to come.
By removing ALL things that will hinder our fruit-bear capacity, we will bear abundantly more fruit later. Specifically, THREE YEARS later. I don’t claim to know the biblical breakdown of this idea, but I just know that in my own life, this concept of three years has been a promise I have clung to time and time again. Now, has there been fruit in my life? YES! Of course there has been much fruit in my life as a believer and I definitely am not implying that we, as believers, cannot bear fruit until three years after coming to know Christ. I am just sharing a promise that gave me hope when I didn’t see the fruit.
Just in reflecting on the fruit I have seen over the past few years, I am excited that if that was only the fruit I saw in the MIDST of the pain, the midst of the pruning, in the midst of the purging away, then HOW MUCH MORE fruit is coming?!? Yesterday, February 26th, 2011 marked THREE YEARS since I have come to know Christ.
A few nights ago, I was just reading and came across this parable in Luke 13:
6 Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it but did not find any. 7 So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’
8 “‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. 9 If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”
How crazy is this!!! It was just like the Lord was so graciously confirming to me His promise that I had clung to all this time. Up to this point, I was literally clinging to a fact of farming. But now, I can cling to this promise of entering into a new season of INSANE fruit-bearing from the Word of God! What a promise. What faithful Father.
Prune and Purge it all Lord. I will give up everything for you. Even in the depths of my pain, in the deepest of suffering, in the ceaseless trials. I want YOU. At the end of the day, I want them to recognize me by my fruit as Jesus talks about in Matthew 7:16.
“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” -John 15:8
Someday I hope to get to share in depth of where I have walked with Jesus and what the last three years have looked like for the two of us. One day, I will share about some moments in the depths of the blackest pit and the journey of Him pulling me into the light. I pray that when that day comes, oh how gloriously His name will be lifted on High through sharing His encompassing hand of faithfulness in my life.
But for now, I do want to share some of the hope which has carried me through some of the darkest weeks of my life, about a year ago. I have clung to these Truths over and over and over again in the past year of loving Jesus. And today, well, on this day, this one promise that has carried me through seems to have a particularly significant and overwhelming PROMISE for my life.
Let’s first look at John 15:1-8:
The Vine and the Branches
1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
Last year, around this time, Ash had me listen to this sermon on this passage. Over the past year, I have come to cling to the Truths I learned from it. I learned that there are two groups of branches in this passage…branches that bear fruit (Christians) and branches that don’t bear fruit (?). The branches that don’t bear fruit can be referred to as Judas branches because Judas willingly walked away from Jesus.
See, at this point in my life, there was little to no fruit in my life. There was a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, a lot of trouble and affliction. There were days when I didn’t function, quite honestly, days when making it out of bed just wasn’t going to happen. I was broken and hurting. Mostly, I was confused. At this point, I had been in love with Jesus for several years. I had been healed of many issues from my past. I was a graduate of Mercy Ministries! And yet, there was so little fruit in my life. I was continually told that as a Christian, I should see fruit. But I didn’t. This caused a season of doubt…was I really a believer? Could I lose my salvation? Why wasn’t there fruit in my life? Was it ever going to change? Would my life ever reflect the love for Jesus I knew I had in my heart? There was so little peace. Mostly, a whole lot of pain. Sometimes, it just blinded me quite honestly. I feel like I walked though most of this season literally squinting the whole time because the pain was just unbearable most days. But the Truth of this sermon gave me hope for what was coming…
Much of this parable is taken into the context of real life, modern day farming and plant care. In real life, the role of the farmer greatly parallels the role of the heavenly Father in our lives.
The farmer must do 2 things:
1.) cut off the branches that bear no fruit, otherwise they will suck the energy and nutrients away from the good ones
2.) prune the fruit-bearing branches constantly so they could bear more fruit
The Father must do 2 things:
1.) take away the branch with no fruit
• He just cuts it off…doesn’t try to fix it…He burns it!
• Judas type is cut off and cast aside…1st duty of the Father.
2.) purge the good branches with fruit
• to cleanse, prune
• must be tended to carefully…drastic pruning necessary
• must get rid of the shouts
How does the Farmer Prune?
1. Pinching- removes only the end
2. Topping- removes the first 1-2 feet of large branches so they don’t get too large
3. Thinning- removes clusters so nothing is lost
How does the Father Prune?
He prunes with the knife…the Word of God.
1. affliction- the handle where God gets the grip
2. trouble- the point of penetrating the wood
3. suffering- the chopping away, the grueling pain
At this point, we tend to ask, God, do you really know what you are doing? It just HURTS SO MUCH!
But we must remember, as the shouts grow, the Gardner must prune and purge what drains away life.
We must also know that He is helping us to bear more fruit in the long-run! He is IN THIS…He is good.
The Pruning Process must become a joy because we must see past the clipping…this process will come to an end eventually. WHEN?? I can remember crying out to God asking Him often, Lord when will it be enough? When will you leave me alone? When will the pain even stop?
This is the most beautiful Truth I have learned in much of my walk with Christ. It is commonly a well-known fact to farmers that when one is growing a tree or plant, you CANNOT ALLOW the tree to bear fruit for THREE YEARS. Even when it looks like it wants to bear fruit, the farmer must prune it, cutting it back enough so that after THREE YEARS, it will be able to produce crazy fruit for years to come.
By removing ALL things that will hinder our fruit-bear capacity, we will bear abundantly more fruit later. Specifically, THREE YEARS later. I don’t claim to know the biblical breakdown of this idea, but I just know that in my own life, this concept of three years has been a promise I have clung to time and time again. Now, has there been fruit in my life? YES! Of course there has been much fruit in my life as a believer and I definitely am not implying that we, as believers, cannot bear fruit until three years after coming to know Christ. I am just sharing a promise that gave me hope when I didn’t see the fruit.
Just in reflecting on the fruit I have seen over the past few years, I am excited that if that was only the fruit I saw in the MIDST of the pain, the midst of the pruning, in the midst of the purging away, then HOW MUCH MORE fruit is coming?!? Yesterday, February 26th, 2011 marked THREE YEARS since I have come to know Christ.
A few nights ago, I was just reading and came across this parable in Luke 13:
6 Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it but did not find any. 7 So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’
8 “‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. 9 If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”
How crazy is this!!! It was just like the Lord was so graciously confirming to me His promise that I had clung to all this time. Up to this point, I was literally clinging to a fact of farming. But now, I can cling to this promise of entering into a new season of INSANE fruit-bearing from the Word of God! What a promise. What faithful Father.
Prune and Purge it all Lord. I will give up everything for you. Even in the depths of my pain, in the deepest of suffering, in the ceaseless trials. I want YOU. At the end of the day, I want them to recognize me by my fruit as Jesus talks about in Matthew 7:16.
“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” -John 15:8
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Plight of the Orphan
Davis continues to talk about the ability we must have to GO THERE. What does this mean? Well, when we put on a mask in exchange for heart wrenching vulnerability, we limit the ability that can possibly possess to go with that child to THAT PLACE. Without vulnerability, we cannot understand compassion. Compassion means “to suffer with.” We cannot posses such an ability apart from vulnerability. And we, as believers, have a calling to GO THERE. To come alongside that child and meet them in that place of darkness. To venture into the gut-wrenching pain with them. To wrestle through it next to them. To express that righteous anger as they do. To grieve with them. To point them to forgiveness, as Christ forgave us. When we mourn with those who mourn, we are brought to LIFE. Jesus was deeply moved with compassion…He was deeply moved TO SUFFER WITH in Mark 1.
It takes this kind of vulnerability to pursue a lifestyle of welcoming the orphan, the poor, the broken, the needy, the wounded into our homes, Davis explained. John 10:10 talks about the war between satan and Jesus…we already know who won! Praise God. And yet, that is US. WE are the REDEEMED. We are the unworthy ones who received the gift of everlasting LIFE, that we may live abundantly! WE are the hope to guide these children into LIFE with JESUS, as He has so graciously lavished such love upon us, sinners.
Our response to the plight of the orphan is not a decision we must make, simply a response to a need, to a calling. Not one believer is exempt from this calling. When there is a need, we are called to fill it. Now, that may look different for every person and God will use each of us in differing, yet fully encompassing ways. There are 150 million needs…the response is simply the calling.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Completely Wrecked
This weekend the Lord began a very painful and heart-wrenching experience of showing me my vast ignorance to the plight of the orphan, how incredibly blind I have been. How overwhelmingly naïve I am. He has truly just wrecked me in the most uncomfortable way.
Over the next days, weeks and months, I will begin to wrestle with some of these battles in my mind and truths I would much rather continue to ignore. In the plight of the orphan, ignorance is NOT bliss. It is, however, deadly.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Idea Camp
I am sitting here working on a new blog (coming soon!) specifically devoted to human sex trafficking and this new campaign I am just beginning. But I thought that I would take a minute to share about The Idea Camp. Tomorrow and Saturday I am so incredibly blessed to get to attend this conference devoted to fightng for the orphans of this world. This includes orphans who need to be adopted, orphans who are trafficked, orphans who need our help! This is an incredible oppurtunity for me to hear from and network with people who have had a vision to do SOMETHING and actually seen it come to pass! Many well-known and highly accredited men and women are coming from around the country to pour wisdom and experience into lives of people broken-hearted and ready to see SOMETHING done for the plight of the fatherless,but really not knowing where or how to begin..
It is completely in God's beautiful sovereignty that He has provided this oppurtunity for me to be apart of this conference so I have no doubt that He is going to teach me and break me and give me eyes to see and ears to hear and allow me to make some connections and gain so much wisdom! I am already preparing to stand in awe of his faithful army of believers who are prepaing to gather this weekend and see to it that His name is proclaimed and that practical help and freedom from chains of enslavement are provided to these orphans.
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27
Check out this video:
ICDC Behind the Scenes from The Idea Camp on Vimeo.
It is completely in God's beautiful sovereignty that He has provided this oppurtunity for me to be apart of this conference so I have no doubt that He is going to teach me and break me and give me eyes to see and ears to hear and allow me to make some connections and gain so much wisdom! I am already preparing to stand in awe of his faithful army of believers who are prepaing to gather this weekend and see to it that His name is proclaimed and that practical help and freedom from chains of enslavement are provided to these orphans.
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27
Check out this video:
ICDC Behind the Scenes from The Idea Camp on Vimeo.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
In the Begining (Part 2)
...in continuation of my previous blog, I first just want to acknowledge how incredibly faithful He is. Lord, you are worhty of ALL of our affections and your word really is LIFE. It breathes LIFE into me. I just cannot imagine having to go through all of the chaos, hurts, heartaches, and unexpecteds of life without something unchanging and LIFE-breathing. Thank you Jesus for your Living Word of LIFE!
Okay, so going back several weeks, Terri and I continued talking and praying. The Lord made it overwhleming evident to me that sitting around, feeling restless, and doing nothing was no longer an option. I knew too much. I felt too much. Looking back on it now, I think that I knew from the day I got that very first email from Terri, that God was preparing me for a new season of life.
Terri propsed a campaign since comes back to the States, to raise $100,000 to build a new Safe Home in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia as soon as the money is raised, so that these girls can get out of thier enslavement and into a safe place where they will be trained in a trade and encouraged by believers equip to help them work through the horrors of thier past. $100,000 is a big number. Praise the Lord we serve a BIG God who is breaking hearts world-wide for the plight of these broken and hurting young women.
Just over a week ago, I gratefully accepted Terri's proposal to come on as an intern for Faith that Works here in Fayetteville, AR. I am so excited to watch as God makes a way for this money to get raised and for other people to come on board. I have been hard at work, developing my own fundraising goals and plans, which will all go twords the total goal of money to be raised to build this home.
After praying through many different ideas and doubts and thoughts, the Lord really just gave me a beautiful vision for what this fundraising campaign should look like here in Fayettville. I have set a goal of raising $10,000. After some conference calls and skype dates and with a lot of support from the team in St. Louis, things are moving along.
At first, I really hesitated in deciding whether or not I was at a point in my life where I could really commit to taking something like this on. Not only time wise, but more so knowing myself and my connections to Fayetteville at this point (or lack there of) and my overwhleming lack of boldness in most situations, I honestly didn't know if this was something I felt eqipt to do or not. As I spent many nights on my knees crying out to Him for direction and wisdom in making this decision, I realized that this really wasn't even my decision. See, the only things holding me back were my selfishness. Being pushed to do things that I normally wouldn't do, to talk to people I normally wouldn't approach, to ask for money from people I didn't know, to form a team when I had not one person committed...to raise $10,000 when I really had no idea where to even begin. I was scared. Daily, I felt all of my insecurities rising up and bubbling over. I heard lie after lie echoing through my mind about how there is now way a twenty-year old college student with no clue where to even begin, no connections established, and a whole lot of fear and insecurities could ever be capable of doing something like this. Believe it or not, I actually had several people tell me that I might not be ready to take this on, that I should just wait until graduation. It seemed that everything I most feared would have to be faced in order to fulfill such a commitment...even my overwhleming people-pleasing tendencies.
But then I see their faces. All the time. The words of thier stories echo through my mind, on a continual stream that cycles over and over again. I find myself rehearsing the statistics in my head, in the off chance that I may get to share them with someone. Night after night, my assignments remain piled on my desk, untouched, as I devote hours to reading book after book about modern day slavey, allowing the stories, the darkness, the redemption to etch itself into the depths of my heart. I surf the web, in pursuit of news updates, learnign about hundreds of different non-profits and ministries attempts at fighting this injustice, taking notes, writing down names. Anyone who so much as gives me the time of day, instantly becomes a victim of my desperate attempt at bringing awareness to the victims of trafficking, this unending drive within me seems to never shut down. And in those moments, you know the ones when your flesh is screaming to do the one thing that you know won't glorify Him in any way, the continual all out war we are in on a daily basis, the fight for LIFE over death in those little tests of our faith...it is in those moments, that I find myself fighting to choose LIFE because if I what I say I believe is really true, then in these moments of overwhleming temptation, the ones in which I desire to return to the yoke by which I was once enslaved, if I say that what I believe is really true, then it is such moments that determine whether or not I actually believe what I say I believe is true. And it HAS GOT to be more true in those moments then any other time, because if in those moments of my weakness and battles, I cannot experience victory in the Truth, then how in the world will I ever be able to sit down with a girl who has literally lived through a hell unlike anything my mind can comprehend, to sit there and tell her that this Word, this Truth is trustworthy for her to base her life off of, and if she believes it, then she will experience LIFE and hope and worth and purpose and love. But if I can't trust it in those moments, how will I ever be able to tell her she can trust it to redeem her life from the pit and breathe LIFE into her? Even in the heat of the battle, in this crazy random way, they are spurring me along. Girls around the nation, the world, girls in Addis Ababa, girls broken and hopeless, DEAD, girls I have never met. Yet never leave my thoughts. Continually spur my actions. It seems that these girls and thier cries to be st free from thier enslavement have literally seaped into every possible crevis of my heart, my mind, and my life. Like I said, it seems this decision was never really up to me. I think He decided seven months ago, that very first night He began to break my heart for these girls.
So here I am, an intern for FTW, in the beginning stages of this campaign to raise $10,000 to go twords the larger goal of $100,000.
Overwhlemed. Excited. Scared. Passionate. Blown away by Him already!
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and be answered. -Prov. 21:13
In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:33
Okay, so going back several weeks, Terri and I continued talking and praying. The Lord made it overwhleming evident to me that sitting around, feeling restless, and doing nothing was no longer an option. I knew too much. I felt too much. Looking back on it now, I think that I knew from the day I got that very first email from Terri, that God was preparing me for a new season of life.
Terri propsed a campaign since comes back to the States, to raise $100,000 to build a new Safe Home in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia as soon as the money is raised, so that these girls can get out of thier enslavement and into a safe place where they will be trained in a trade and encouraged by believers equip to help them work through the horrors of thier past. $100,000 is a big number. Praise the Lord we serve a BIG God who is breaking hearts world-wide for the plight of these broken and hurting young women.
Just over a week ago, I gratefully accepted Terri's proposal to come on as an intern for Faith that Works here in Fayetteville, AR. I am so excited to watch as God makes a way for this money to get raised and for other people to come on board. I have been hard at work, developing my own fundraising goals and plans, which will all go twords the total goal of money to be raised to build this home.
After praying through many different ideas and doubts and thoughts, the Lord really just gave me a beautiful vision for what this fundraising campaign should look like here in Fayettville. I have set a goal of raising $10,000. After some conference calls and skype dates and with a lot of support from the team in St. Louis, things are moving along.
At first, I really hesitated in deciding whether or not I was at a point in my life where I could really commit to taking something like this on. Not only time wise, but more so knowing myself and my connections to Fayetteville at this point (or lack there of) and my overwhleming lack of boldness in most situations, I honestly didn't know if this was something I felt eqipt to do or not. As I spent many nights on my knees crying out to Him for direction and wisdom in making this decision, I realized that this really wasn't even my decision. See, the only things holding me back were my selfishness. Being pushed to do things that I normally wouldn't do, to talk to people I normally wouldn't approach, to ask for money from people I didn't know, to form a team when I had not one person committed...to raise $10,000 when I really had no idea where to even begin. I was scared. Daily, I felt all of my insecurities rising up and bubbling over. I heard lie after lie echoing through my mind about how there is now way a twenty-year old college student with no clue where to even begin, no connections established, and a whole lot of fear and insecurities could ever be capable of doing something like this. Believe it or not, I actually had several people tell me that I might not be ready to take this on, that I should just wait until graduation. It seemed that everything I most feared would have to be faced in order to fulfill such a commitment...even my overwhleming people-pleasing tendencies.
But then I see their faces. All the time. The words of thier stories echo through my mind, on a continual stream that cycles over and over again. I find myself rehearsing the statistics in my head, in the off chance that I may get to share them with someone. Night after night, my assignments remain piled on my desk, untouched, as I devote hours to reading book after book about modern day slavey, allowing the stories, the darkness, the redemption to etch itself into the depths of my heart. I surf the web, in pursuit of news updates, learnign about hundreds of different non-profits and ministries attempts at fighting this injustice, taking notes, writing down names. Anyone who so much as gives me the time of day, instantly becomes a victim of my desperate attempt at bringing awareness to the victims of trafficking, this unending drive within me seems to never shut down. And in those moments, you know the ones when your flesh is screaming to do the one thing that you know won't glorify Him in any way, the continual all out war we are in on a daily basis, the fight for LIFE over death in those little tests of our faith...it is in those moments, that I find myself fighting to choose LIFE because if I what I say I believe is really true, then in these moments of overwhleming temptation, the ones in which I desire to return to the yoke by which I was once enslaved, if I say that what I believe is really true, then it is such moments that determine whether or not I actually believe what I say I believe is true. And it HAS GOT to be more true in those moments then any other time, because if in those moments of my weakness and battles, I cannot experience victory in the Truth, then how in the world will I ever be able to sit down with a girl who has literally lived through a hell unlike anything my mind can comprehend, to sit there and tell her that this Word, this Truth is trustworthy for her to base her life off of, and if she believes it, then she will experience LIFE and hope and worth and purpose and love. But if I can't trust it in those moments, how will I ever be able to tell her she can trust it to redeem her life from the pit and breathe LIFE into her? Even in the heat of the battle, in this crazy random way, they are spurring me along. Girls around the nation, the world, girls in Addis Ababa, girls broken and hopeless, DEAD, girls I have never met. Yet never leave my thoughts. Continually spur my actions. It seems that these girls and thier cries to be st free from thier enslavement have literally seaped into every possible crevis of my heart, my mind, and my life. Like I said, it seems this decision was never really up to me. I think He decided seven months ago, that very first night He began to break my heart for these girls.
So here I am, an intern for FTW, in the beginning stages of this campaign to raise $10,000 to go twords the larger goal of $100,000.
Overwhlemed. Excited. Scared. Passionate. Blown away by Him already!
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and be answered. -Prov. 21:13
In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:33
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
In the Begining
Lord, you simply blow my mind. I don’t know how else to put it. The past four days, I haven’t made it through much more then an hour without falling to my knees in tears, completely humbled and in awe of Your faithfulness. Heavenly Father, I am so unworthy. SO unworthy. And yet, you love me. You see me. You hear me. You KNOW me…intimately. Your know my heart. You gave me eyes to see…to see this injustice. As broken as my heart is for these girls, I cannot imagine what you are experiencing as you watch ALL of it. I am overwhelmed by thought of one young woman enduring this hell on earth and yet every second you must watch over 1.2 million girls in 137 countries being beaten, burned, caged, drugged, stolen, starved, enslaved, raped, tormented, and tortured over and over and over. I can’t go there. My brain literally cannot go there.
About seven months ago, God began breaking my heart for the girls enslaved by human trafficking. I didn’t know what it meant at the time really. I mean, here I am, a twenty year old college student who changes her major everyday (okay every other day), doesn’t know how to balance a check book, lives dollar to dollar most weeks, buys that dress she can’t afford, skips that class that bores her, wonders how far the car will make it after the gas meter reaches the red zone because stopping to fill up is too time-consuming, can’t seem to figure out why the chicken always burns in the pan (no matter how many different ways I’ve tried to make it), has yet to master the skill of moving the clean laundry from the pile on the floor to the hangers (that is before there is no longer a difference between the clean and dirty piles that cover the carpet), and may never get over that kid in 5th grade who called me fat. Yet here I am. Here is all of me…the messy, insecure, prideful, impractical, foolish, selfish, needy, whiny, and indecisive me…just an emotional dreamer, usually in need of quite the reality check. I guess that’s why my two best friends are the most practical and grounded people I have ever met. Thank you Lord, what a gift! (or some form of insurance.) Okay so here I am…here I am. Waiting. Praying. Sitting. Dreaming. Crying. Waiting some more.
RESTLESS.
Lord, I want to do something, but you know all of the above…what the heck could I do that would be of any use? I’m just a girl. In college. Broke. Barely know anyone. Why in the world are you doing this to me? Breaking my heart for something at a time in my life when clearly, there is nothing I can do about it.
RESTLESS.
After about six months of cycling through these thoughts and moans, God revealed a tiny little speck of His plan for my life--- the call I believe He has placed on me to serve these enslaved women for years to come. A lifelong vision, if you will.
I knew that a group of women from the body of believers I am surrounded by in St. Louis had just recently been awakened to the cries of these precious girls as well. Over the past couple years, a ministry called Faith that Works has been helping women to put their faith into action. In fact, many of these women have played an intimate role in my life and encouraged me in so many ways. Actually, FTW paid much of my way to Australia this past summer on my first mission trip. They have given to and served Mercy Ministries, both residents in the home and graduates in the life after Mercy, so faithfully.
They also came alongside a non-profit called International Crisis Aid (ICA). ICA does a lot of work with orphans, feeding programs, and human trafficking both in the states and around the world. At the beginning of this year, this group of women traveled to the red light district of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia to visit the safe home for girls rescued out of trafficking which they had been supporting for awhile and also to go visit girls who were still in the district. Upon returning home to the States, Terri Stipanovich, the founder and visionary of FTW wrote a heart-wrenching blog about a young girl they met in the red light district who so desperately wanted to get out. She had a baby girl who she slid underneath her bed every time she had to serve a client in her little shanty, the size of my closet. Terri explained how her heart was broken and she felt helpless. They had to tell her that they could not rescue her that day because there was no where to put her; the safe home was already full. They promised to come back for her.
After reading this, something about it stuck a chord deep inside me. Yes, I had definitely been shaken by these stories before. But this was real…I mean I know these women…the knowledge of the hell the girls there are living in became something I felt accountable to for the first time. That by sitting here and feeling broken for them, but doing nothing about it, I was actually harming them…by staying quiet about this injustice, I was just as guilty as the man forcing himself upon that young mother.
I emailed Terri the next day and just told her that I was behind them in this cause and praying for them in whatever the Lord led them to do. I poured out some of my heart as well and just how the Lord had been breaking my heart for trafficking.
She responded the following day and told me that she had been praying for a young person to come along with a sincere desire to do something about trafficking. She gently explained to me that often she has found young people with a whole lot of dreams and whole lack of follow through. Young people who want to make a difference and do something, but easily sway from this once passionate commitment to bring change. Anyhow, we went back and forth a bit more and chatted on the phone.
The rest was simply the sovereign hand of our faithful Lord whose perfect plans and timing will never cease in stunning me…
(to be continued)
About seven months ago, God began breaking my heart for the girls enslaved by human trafficking. I didn’t know what it meant at the time really. I mean, here I am, a twenty year old college student who changes her major everyday (okay every other day), doesn’t know how to balance a check book, lives dollar to dollar most weeks, buys that dress she can’t afford, skips that class that bores her, wonders how far the car will make it after the gas meter reaches the red zone because stopping to fill up is too time-consuming, can’t seem to figure out why the chicken always burns in the pan (no matter how many different ways I’ve tried to make it), has yet to master the skill of moving the clean laundry from the pile on the floor to the hangers (that is before there is no longer a difference between the clean and dirty piles that cover the carpet), and may never get over that kid in 5th grade who called me fat. Yet here I am. Here is all of me…the messy, insecure, prideful, impractical, foolish, selfish, needy, whiny, and indecisive me…just an emotional dreamer, usually in need of quite the reality check. I guess that’s why my two best friends are the most practical and grounded people I have ever met. Thank you Lord, what a gift! (or some form of insurance.) Okay so here I am…here I am. Waiting. Praying. Sitting. Dreaming. Crying. Waiting some more.
RESTLESS.
Lord, I want to do something, but you know all of the above…what the heck could I do that would be of any use? I’m just a girl. In college. Broke. Barely know anyone. Why in the world are you doing this to me? Breaking my heart for something at a time in my life when clearly, there is nothing I can do about it.
RESTLESS.
After about six months of cycling through these thoughts and moans, God revealed a tiny little speck of His plan for my life--- the call I believe He has placed on me to serve these enslaved women for years to come. A lifelong vision, if you will.
I knew that a group of women from the body of believers I am surrounded by in St. Louis had just recently been awakened to the cries of these precious girls as well. Over the past couple years, a ministry called Faith that Works has been helping women to put their faith into action. In fact, many of these women have played an intimate role in my life and encouraged me in so many ways. Actually, FTW paid much of my way to Australia this past summer on my first mission trip. They have given to and served Mercy Ministries, both residents in the home and graduates in the life after Mercy, so faithfully.
They also came alongside a non-profit called International Crisis Aid (ICA). ICA does a lot of work with orphans, feeding programs, and human trafficking both in the states and around the world. At the beginning of this year, this group of women traveled to the red light district of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia to visit the safe home for girls rescued out of trafficking which they had been supporting for awhile and also to go visit girls who were still in the district. Upon returning home to the States, Terri Stipanovich, the founder and visionary of FTW wrote a heart-wrenching blog about a young girl they met in the red light district who so desperately wanted to get out. She had a baby girl who she slid underneath her bed every time she had to serve a client in her little shanty, the size of my closet. Terri explained how her heart was broken and she felt helpless. They had to tell her that they could not rescue her that day because there was no where to put her; the safe home was already full. They promised to come back for her.
After reading this, something about it stuck a chord deep inside me. Yes, I had definitely been shaken by these stories before. But this was real…I mean I know these women…the knowledge of the hell the girls there are living in became something I felt accountable to for the first time. That by sitting here and feeling broken for them, but doing nothing about it, I was actually harming them…by staying quiet about this injustice, I was just as guilty as the man forcing himself upon that young mother.
I emailed Terri the next day and just told her that I was behind them in this cause and praying for them in whatever the Lord led them to do. I poured out some of my heart as well and just how the Lord had been breaking my heart for trafficking.
She responded the following day and told me that she had been praying for a young person to come along with a sincere desire to do something about trafficking. She gently explained to me that often she has found young people with a whole lot of dreams and whole lack of follow through. Young people who want to make a difference and do something, but easily sway from this once passionate commitment to bring change. Anyhow, we went back and forth a bit more and chatted on the phone.
The rest was simply the sovereign hand of our faithful Lord whose perfect plans and timing will never cease in stunning me…
(to be continued)
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