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Friday, December 24, 2010
Beautiful Sisters
I am so incredibly blessed to have three beautiful sisters. One by birth and two by marriage, all three of them have really only been apart of my life for four years now, and yet I feel as if I've been close to them my entire life. I have never felt so much love. There really is nothing in the world like a sister. The bond you share within such a realtionship simply does not compare to anything else. A sister is like a best friend for life...through the good and the bad. My sisters have truly walked with me through it all and for that I am so incredibly grateful. God has used them in my life to teach me and guide me in countless decisions and ways. I will never understand the perfection of His timing and simply His sovereign will--He is so gracious! I have never experiened the love of Christ modeled before me more then through these three precious women. In fact, if it were not for them coming into my life five years ago and essentially taking me in and just loving the heck out of me when I felt unlovable, I would not know Jesus today...I probably wouldnt be alive today. Praise God for His sovereign will and timing...and for His unfathomable love, first modeled to me by these beautiful women whom I am beyond blessed to call my sisters.
Every Christmas Eve we take a sister picture...this is one of my most precious moments every year. Tonight we took our fifth picture together...crazy that it has already been five years, yet at the same time it feels like a lifetime. As I look back through each of these images, my mind floods with recollections of what was going on in my own life and the role my sisters played in that as the years progressed. Some of these images bring great joy to my heart, others I see the hopelessness and deep pain which consumed my life. But this year as I sit and look at this sister picture, tears pour forth from my eyes as my heart is overwhelming thankful for these three incredible women in my life, three women the Lord has given to me to call sisters. They have walked with me through a lot the past years, and I am excited to see all God has in store for the next five! What a blessed girl I am to get to walk through life with these three women by my side! I love you Angel, Meg and Cindy. Thank you for loving me when I was unlovable. Thank you for walking through what seemed like hell with me. Thank you for just loving the heck out of me...for never leaving my side. Thanks for loving me like Jesus to the point where I finally realized He was my only hope. Thank you for spurring me along in my walk, for teaching me about Gods Word and taking me to church with you this very night, five years ago. Obviously, my life will never be the same. He who began this good work in me in faithful to bring it to completion...in all of us! I love you with all of my heart and you three are truly one of the greatest gifts in my life.
Monday, December 6, 2010
A New Major
The past year or so, I have been incredibly passionate about pursing my degree in psychology, aching to help girls with life controlling issues who just need to understand the love of Christ.For some reason, this semester I have been discontent within my major. Mostly I keep hitting this brick wall....like I am learning a lot about different areas of psych b/c im in three classes this semester within my major but its like everything Im learning I have seen modeled in my own life, and I have seen how it does NOT work! You know they tell you to medicate the problem, look deeper in yourself for strength...use this model of treatment, then try this....and so on. Then it hit me...what am I doing spending four years and a ton of money to learn about something that doesnt even work!?! The answer is Jesus...He's the only way out of any psychological issue regaurdless of what it is and I am living proof of that and I know that in my profession I would not want to preach or practice anything different then that. So why am devoting my college career to learning about something that doesnt help anyone? Not to mention, that graduating w/ a psych degree means nothing....Id have to get my masters at the least, but generally you need your PhD to get any decet job. By that point,I wouldnt even want to be working anyways....thats another 6 years of school/internship....and really eventually I just want to be a wife and mom anyhow.
So then I came back to what do i do? I explored some other fields...home econ stuff, nursing again, social work and dietetics. I'm sure nursing is not for me. Social work would be great, but again you are limted by the state in your ability to share the gospel. That wouldnt work. Nutrition and dietetics really interests me, but I always swore I would never become a dietition because of the hatred I have always had for the ones in my life for all those years. So, a few weeks ago, I decided to keep my major in psych and minor in general nutrition. Mostly becuase I love learning about how food is created and how it breaks down in your body. The Lord has surrounded me with women who teach me so much about health and balance and food...I love getting to watch them raise thier families in a healthy way and learn from them. So how great would that be if I could get college credit to learn how to prepare food in a balanced way for my own family one day! Then I realized I had to take tons of extra science classes just to minor in that, so it didnt make sense.
I have a precious freind here in Fayetteville that I've gotten the privalige of getting to spend some time with. It just so happens that she is in her last year of the dietetics program at the U of A. We've spent a lot of time over the semester just talking about nutrition and such. I love getting to hear all she is learning and she just has the most beautiful heart for her field...I know the Lord is going to use her in incredible ways through this career and she has consistently spoken Truth into my life in this area too which is totally the Lord. So basically, all semester I have been seeing this and really Julie just opened my eyes to the fact that dieticians really are not evil or out to get me, nor were they ever. In my heart, I just had this deep hatred for all those women who told me I had to eat that, could not only eat that, had to do this and so on. I swore I would never become one of them, despite my passion for learning about health and wanting to help hurting girls. The Lord has been using Julie in such a sweet way this whole time, and really I had no idea. I know that He placed her in my life for a purpose and what blessing that it has been. Not only have I found an incredible friend, sister in Christ who is such an encouragement and role model to me, but she showed me that if this really is a desire of my heart to pursue this major, it does not mean I will be evil or that my own life will be consumed by thoughts of food again. She does such a great job about keeping balance in her own life. Just getting to be around her and watch her life a little has shown me that I really can pursue this degree and not be burdened by my old yoke of slavery, not to return to it so to speak. And she has been so real with me about how that is and can be a struggle at times, but that does not mean it has to consume you. She really does live it out...she is normal and walking in freedom and majoring in dietetics! And she gets it. She completely understands how easy it is to be "a weird dietetics student" as she would put it and yet I dont have to be that way! Praise the Lord He is faithful and continually refining us. How incredible is it that I come here to Fayetteville completely and only because of the Lord's direction and through a random connection meet this precious girl who just loves on me and encourages me and lets me be apart of her life and takes time to pour into me and through that is used by God to change my perception of things and in turn to realize what He is calling me to pursue with my time in college! He is SO FAITHUFL! Julz I am so thankful for you and your obedience to the Lord...thanks for being such an encouragement and just being real about life.
So, I was driving home from STL and talking to my best friend Lesley and she was stressing out about not knowing what shes doing with her life and how she keeps going back and forth between majors...she said something and we kept talking and literally I had not seriously considered changing my major up to this point...just talking about it and praying but in that moment on the phone it hit me like a ton of bricks....the Lord was just like Courtney, I know youre miserable in this major b/c its not about me eventhough you know Im the only way....so just do it....change! Its really okay...you dont need to be scared that the plan is changing....TRUST ME! I know whats best for you...Ill get you throught the science courses....I will sustain you. I will use this to refine you and draw you closer to me....its okay to be afraid but I PROMISE you, you can handle this...youre ready...youre not a slave to food anymore..you can do it! and it was like in this moment I could not explain it in words, but I had total and complete peace this is what He was calling me to do. So I literally said outloud to Lesely....thankyou I needed to hear what you just said. I think Im going to change my major! And she she kinda laughed a nervous laugh, and I could tell she wasn't quite convinced b/c I had said that before, but never followed through. It's not like me to deviate from THE PLAN. In fact, it is the hardest thing in world for me to think something will happen the way Ive always envisioned and then for it to look different...and here I was changing my mind. Again. To me that seems like its not okay....like I'm a mess and cannot stick with anything you know. Well anyways, I didnt tell anyone about what the Lord was telling me. I just got up the next morning and drove to campus. Then I couldnt figure out where the office was to change my major, so I called Julie and she explained it and encouraged me which was totally the Lord speaking through her. Anyways, I walked right in told them what I wanted to do and he filled out the paperwork. It was like one of those moments where time is happening but my world was on pause...it was surreal almost. All I can say is I experienced a complete, total peace that transcends all understanding in those moments....and that was that. I left and came home and havnt looked back since!
I love learning about all this kinda stuff and it will also help me to raise healthy kiddos one day and know what im putting into thier bodies...as for a career I dont know what that may look like but the Lord does and I'm excited to maybe even get to help girls who are where I once was you know....and so what if they hate me? Priase God for redemption and the fact that now my security is in HIM! In fact, I can simply point them to Jesus. The Lord really does have a snese of humor...I HATED all of my dieticians over those years...and now, I am becoming one. Praise the Lord. :)
Plus, I already have a minor in psychology!
So then I came back to what do i do? I explored some other fields...home econ stuff, nursing again, social work and dietetics. I'm sure nursing is not for me. Social work would be great, but again you are limted by the state in your ability to share the gospel. That wouldnt work. Nutrition and dietetics really interests me, but I always swore I would never become a dietition because of the hatred I have always had for the ones in my life for all those years. So, a few weeks ago, I decided to keep my major in psych and minor in general nutrition. Mostly becuase I love learning about how food is created and how it breaks down in your body. The Lord has surrounded me with women who teach me so much about health and balance and food...I love getting to watch them raise thier families in a healthy way and learn from them. So how great would that be if I could get college credit to learn how to prepare food in a balanced way for my own family one day! Then I realized I had to take tons of extra science classes just to minor in that, so it didnt make sense.
I have a precious freind here in Fayetteville that I've gotten the privalige of getting to spend some time with. It just so happens that she is in her last year of the dietetics program at the U of A. We've spent a lot of time over the semester just talking about nutrition and such. I love getting to hear all she is learning and she just has the most beautiful heart for her field...I know the Lord is going to use her in incredible ways through this career and she has consistently spoken Truth into my life in this area too which is totally the Lord. So basically, all semester I have been seeing this and really Julie just opened my eyes to the fact that dieticians really are not evil or out to get me, nor were they ever. In my heart, I just had this deep hatred for all those women who told me I had to eat that, could not only eat that, had to do this and so on. I swore I would never become one of them, despite my passion for learning about health and wanting to help hurting girls. The Lord has been using Julie in such a sweet way this whole time, and really I had no idea. I know that He placed her in my life for a purpose and what blessing that it has been. Not only have I found an incredible friend, sister in Christ who is such an encouragement and role model to me, but she showed me that if this really is a desire of my heart to pursue this major, it does not mean I will be evil or that my own life will be consumed by thoughts of food again. She does such a great job about keeping balance in her own life. Just getting to be around her and watch her life a little has shown me that I really can pursue this degree and not be burdened by my old yoke of slavery, not to return to it so to speak. And she has been so real with me about how that is and can be a struggle at times, but that does not mean it has to consume you. She really does live it out...she is normal and walking in freedom and majoring in dietetics! And she gets it. She completely understands how easy it is to be "a weird dietetics student" as she would put it and yet I dont have to be that way! Praise the Lord He is faithful and continually refining us. How incredible is it that I come here to Fayetteville completely and only because of the Lord's direction and through a random connection meet this precious girl who just loves on me and encourages me and lets me be apart of her life and takes time to pour into me and through that is used by God to change my perception of things and in turn to realize what He is calling me to pursue with my time in college! He is SO FAITHUFL! Julz I am so thankful for you and your obedience to the Lord...thanks for being such an encouragement and just being real about life. So, I was driving home from STL and talking to my best friend Lesley and she was stressing out about not knowing what shes doing with her life and how she keeps going back and forth between majors...she said something and we kept talking and literally I had not seriously considered changing my major up to this point...just talking about it and praying but in that moment on the phone it hit me like a ton of bricks....the Lord was just like Courtney, I know youre miserable in this major b/c its not about me eventhough you know Im the only way....so just do it....change! Its really okay...you dont need to be scared that the plan is changing....TRUST ME! I know whats best for you...Ill get you throught the science courses....I will sustain you. I will use this to refine you and draw you closer to me....its okay to be afraid but I PROMISE you, you can handle this...youre ready...youre not a slave to food anymore..you can do it! and it was like in this moment I could not explain it in words, but I had total and complete peace this is what He was calling me to do. So I literally said outloud to Lesely....thankyou I needed to hear what you just said. I think Im going to change my major! And she she kinda laughed a nervous laugh, and I could tell she wasn't quite convinced b/c I had said that before, but never followed through. It's not like me to deviate from THE PLAN. In fact, it is the hardest thing in world for me to think something will happen the way Ive always envisioned and then for it to look different...and here I was changing my mind. Again. To me that seems like its not okay....like I'm a mess and cannot stick with anything you know. Well anyways, I didnt tell anyone about what the Lord was telling me. I just got up the next morning and drove to campus. Then I couldnt figure out where the office was to change my major, so I called Julie and she explained it and encouraged me which was totally the Lord speaking through her. Anyways, I walked right in told them what I wanted to do and he filled out the paperwork. It was like one of those moments where time is happening but my world was on pause...it was surreal almost. All I can say is I experienced a complete, total peace that transcends all understanding in those moments....and that was that. I left and came home and havnt looked back since!
I love learning about all this kinda stuff and it will also help me to raise healthy kiddos one day and know what im putting into thier bodies...as for a career I dont know what that may look like but the Lord does and I'm excited to maybe even get to help girls who are where I once was you know....and so what if they hate me? Priase God for redemption and the fact that now my security is in HIM! In fact, I can simply point them to Jesus. The Lord really does have a snese of humor...I HATED all of my dieticians over those years...and now, I am becoming one. Praise the Lord. :)
Plus, I already have a minor in psychology!
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