Thursday, September 30, 2010

Love of a Family

Coming to Fayetteville and leaving behind an incredible community of believers was a challenge for me. But tonight as I sat down to reflect on how the Lord has already surounded me with such an incredible community, I realized that aisde from my roomates, there is one ministry where I feel at home, like they are already family to me. The Lord put Potter's House on my heart long before I even knew that it was affilated with the church I am now attending. On top of that, I was randomly connected to this precious woman of God at New Heights who just happens to work for Potter's House. It was literally like the Lord couldn't have made it any more clear where He desired for me to plug in and serve. And what an incredible gift that this ministry has already been in my life.

Potter's House emulates the love of Christ in every possible dimension of the word. They have such a beautiful heart and genunie love for these kids, kids who are just crying out to be loved. It is like a big family. I just feel at home when I'm around this ministry. I started off spending a couple hours a week tutoring some of the kids, and the next thing I know, God opened the door to continue that as well as leading a small group of fifth grade girls. This is my heart. I love these girls after just two weeks of knowing them.

They are each so unique and beautiful in thier own ways. Crazy sometimes too. Thier laughter brings so much joy to my heart. I just look at their young eyes and can't imagine the incredible plan that I know God has for thier lives...despite the different circumstances they are each up against right now. I just remind myself what a BIG God we serve. The lives they live everyday is unlike anything you or I could probably ever begin to understand....or be okay with. I love that I get to spend time with them every sunday afternoon, sharing a story from the Word, praying for each of them, challenging them in thier walks. Most of all, I love just getting to know each one of them...hearing thier heart, learning what they like and dont like, who their friends are, what their hurts and heartaches are...and just getting to love on them.

Tonight I had all the girls and my wonderful co-leader over for dinner. They requested chicken, spagetti, and corn...such a random combination, but thats what we had! It was so fun to just get to share a meal with them and allow them to just see what it looks like to live in biblical community. The little things about tonight spoke so much to me....just seeing them giggle and blush talking about which boys they thought were cute, being goofy while taking pictures with my camera, gathering around the computer to watch videos, singing and dancing to the latest Justin Beber songs, playing a game of cards together, talking about the best parts of the day. When you look at the life they each come from, taking joy in these glimmers of normalcy and joy in thier precious hearts becomes all the more beautiful, especially when you know that in an hour or two, you have to take them back home, back to a home where they may not get to hear how much they are loved. A home where they may not have enough food to get through the week. A home where they may be waiting for their dad to come back, knowing he probably wont. A home where two or three are crammed into the same bed at night. A home which leaves little prospect of any kind of hope or future for these precious girls.

But PRAISE GOD He sees them, each of them. He knows them. He LOVES them.

Lord, help me to see them with your eyes, to keep loving them even when it is challenging. To pour and pour and pour your love upon them, not because of anything good in me, but because the love of Christ in me compels me to love well, since it was such love that so tramendously transformed my life. Thank you Lord, for lavishing your love upon me, when I just don't deserve it.

Because Your love is better then life, I will PRAISE YOU!








I am soooo excited to get to continue to see what God does in these girls lives over the next few weeks, months and years. I am so incredibly blessed to get to call Potter's House my family.
Check out and support this ministry at:
http://www.newheightschurch.com/serve/potters-house

Friday, September 24, 2010

Nothing Like a Daddy's Love


Writing this blog has been on my heart for quite a while now and after a conversation with a friend yesterday, I decided to finally sit down and think through some of it.

            Being in ministry and just spending time with different girls through ZOE or Potter’s House or even just meeting people and hearing their stories randomly, I just continue to see this theme again and again of the impact a daddy has in his daughter’s life, whether that be encouraging or destructive. Unfortunately, I’d say about 80% of those father-daughter relationships have brought more hurt and heartache then many other circumstances in these girls lives. It is so interesting to me that the enemy so often attacks the family as a whole directly at the heart of leadership, guidance, protection, wisdom, and love…at the father. There are so many symbolic aspects of a girl’s relationship with her earthly daddy and how that plays into her relationship with her Heavenly Father as well. I’m not going to go into what I think about all that since I could probably write a whole book on it all, but I really just want to affirm a few men in my life who have been godly daddy’s to their kids and to whom I have a heart of indescribable gratefulness for the  role they’ve played in my own life and the way their kids are never going to have to experience these destructive daddy issues that so many of today’s teenagers, both male and female really, are facing right now.

Ryan
My sweet brother. The way that I look up to this man of God just doesn’t compare to anything else in the whole world. When I am around Rye, I just feel safe. From day one he has stood in front of me, trying to protect me from the world. Spiritually, he has encouraged me and spurred me on in my walk with the Lord. In fact, if it weren’t for him and his beautiful wife I wouldn’t even be sitting here right now.
I never doubted, not once, that Rye would be an incredible dad. More then anyone, he played that role in my life when our dad couldn’t. When he barely knew me, he just grabbed ahold of me and didn’t ever let go, even through a challenging time in my life when I know I wasn’t making his life any easier. He never left me. I was hurting and confused and consumed in lies and no matter how much I hated him at times, how much I pushed him away, he just loved the heck out of me. I don’t think he will ever understand how that love changed my entire world.
Just this past year my big brother became a daddy himself, to a precious baby boy that is growing up before my eyes. I wish so much that I could be around them more, just getting to watch my brother father this little man…to see him smile down at his son, to see the way he plays with him and is already training him to be a basketball star…it makes me tear up just thinking about it because it is such a beautiful picture of the love the Father has for us and I don’t think it is modeled more clearly to me then through seeing a godly daddy raise his son to know the love of our Savior. To understand that who he is in Christ is more important then anything else. One day, if Jake is an amazing basketball player like his daddy, then I know it will be Rye on the sidelines cheering him on, it will be Rye sitting by his bed late at night after a game reminding him that through this gift the Lord’s given him of basketball, his main purpose in his life, in this sport, is bringing glory to the King or Kings and Lord of Lords…that God’s called him to be the one set apart, a light to the other boys on his team.
I just love the way my brother loves so well. I love that I can look at his life and see Jesus all over him. I love that he is a faithful husband who serves his wife. I love that he is the leader and provider for his family. I love that he has the ability to bring peace into a seemingly confusing or chaotic situation. I love that he is a good friend and a joy to be around. I just love my brother and seeing the Lord move in his life and how that effects his wife and son. It’s a privilege and a gift to be your lil sis Rye.

Clayton
            My oldest brother. When I think of Clayton, I think of his smile. When he really thinks something is funny or just is even agreeing with you about something, he gets this grin on his face that lights up the w
hole room. It makes me smile just thinking about it. The joy of the Lord is truly his strength. When I think of him just smiling down on his precious kids, the way that must make them feel, it makes me tear up! Receiving that “approving, I’m so proud of you, I love you more then you will ever know, you bring joy to my life” smile from a daddy is such a beautiful picture of how our Heavenly Father is looking at us with similar affection. I love that Clayton’s love for his kids is all over his face.  I remember one time when I was stuck in the hospital for awhile and Clayton came to see me. I totally did not expect it because at the time we weren’t real close and I will never forget sitting there and talking to him. For the first part Rye was there too but eventually he left, but Clayton just stuck around and I remember writing later on that night about how special that time was alone with him. He was such an encouragement to me in some challenging situations going on at the time and I don’t think he will ever know the way him being there, supporting me even if he couldn’t totally understand me, meant to me then and now. I also remember my whole life that Clayton has always been so incredibly respectful of and towards my mom, and I know even as her daughter that that is a challenging thing to do at times, especially considering all the hurt and heartache she brought into my siblings lives over the years. Even when I couldn’t stand her, he always modeled the selfless love of Christ towards her, a concept that has taken me 19 years to understand. Thank you for that big brother.
As a dad, I know his love for his kids compels him to teach them to be respectful to other adults, to not act immature or crazy. More then most kids their age, my niece and nephew understand discipline and are usually incredibly obedient to what their daddy (and mom) tell them. I love this about Clayton. He is such an incredible leader of his home in the way he disciplines the kids. Despite how hard that may be at times, because of course no one likes to have that job, but when I think about other kids their ages, the difference is overwhelmingly clear. There is this responsibility and maturity they both have which far exceeds others their ages…this sets them apart. People who meet these two kiddos just know that there is something different about them- Jesus in them. Praise God for my big bro being a godly daddy to them, and loving them enough to set clear boundaries, to discipline them, just at Christ disciplines those He loves.

Phillip
            I don’t really know what I would call Phillip, other then my spiritual dad. From the day I met him, shoveling snow one day when school was called off, he made me feel so special and loved. Here is this guy who doesn’t know me at all whatsoever, probably has a million other people to talk to, but takes the time to ask me about me life, really interested in what I have to say. I never could have imagined that first day I met him the role he would end up playing in my life. But my Heavenly Father knew just how much He would use Phillip over the next three years to be that earthly picture of the love of my Heavenly Father, something that I never really could understand from my biological dad. I doubt that Phillip knew what he was getting himself into that day when he reached out to me either! When I think about Phillip, I think of wisdom. I know that I can always go to him with any question, about the Word, theology, etc but also just about life. Phillip taught me that not all men were bad and out to hurt me…he was the first father figure in my life that I learned to trust. For that I am so incredibly grateful. It makes me tear up thinking about what a gift that has been, even now, the role that plays…I don’t even know he will ever understand the impact of that…for years all I had wanted was the love of a father and through Phillip modeling that to me, I realized that I had a heavenly Father who loved me just like that, and million times more.
            Over the years, Phillip has walked through so much with me. He has always been there, a prayer warrior and encourager, affirming me continually. He has poured and poured and poured into my life. And in all the times I didn’t know what to do, where to turn, or how to keep going, He just kept pointing me to the only One who had the answers. He always made bad or hopeless situations seem a lot less scary or stressful. He has a gift of giving me perspective when I am blinded through my own eyes. I will never forget my first time home from Mercy Phillip and his wife were the first people I got to see, and I just remember the look on his face when he saw me…it was like I had come home after a really long time away…he didn’t even need to say anything, his face told me how proud he was, how he could see a transformation beginning in my heart, how he loved me so well. I also always am so excited to after being away for awhile to see Phillip because he is always so excited to hear about what God’s been doing in my life, its like his excitement makes me excited! I remember what a special moment it was for me to get to go show Phillip and Shelly my dress before heading off to prom my senior year. If any moment could have been more symbolic of a dad’s approval, a dad’s love for a daughter, it would have been in that moment for me. Whenever I’m around Phillip and his family, I just feel at home.
            I have so many incredible memories doing life with Phillip and his incredible wife and their precious family. When it comes to learning how to be a godly parent, when I think about what I want in a husband, I want my husband to be a man who loves the Word, who loves to serve, who has these crazy dreams and the determination to fulfill them, never underestimating the power of God’s Word and His promises, but most of all I want my husband to walk in the door at night, open up his arms, and for the kids to just take off running to him, so incredibly excited their daddy is finally home to play with them. This is what I see every time Phillip walks through that door. There are a million qualities about Phillip as a daddy to his kiddos that I adore, but one that just hits me at the core every time is his love for his twin girls. When I sit there and see him just look straight into their adoring eyes and tell them how much he loves them, how beautiful they are, how smart they are, how proud of them he is, how he is just so honored to get to be their daddy, it gets me every time…I never want my kids to doubt how much their daddy loves them…and I know that Phillip’s kids will never wonder, because he wont let them forget it for one second! He does such an incredible job of lavishing love upon them, of making them feel special, making them just feel like the most important person in the world. That is truly a gift of this daddy. 

Thursday, September 23, 2010

You Shall Have No Other Gods Before Me

So just a few minutes ago I was driving home from my first anthropology test. The last 5 or 6 days of my life have been spent making note cards, studying them, studying them some more, and when I felt like I knew it well enough, of course my perfectionist mind told me to study some more…or else. Or else what? I wouldn’t do as good as I could if I devoted another hour of study to the material? Doubtful. I wouldn’t be able to say I gave it my absolute best? Nope. The truth of the matter is that I fear getting anything less then perfect…and to me perfect is an A. Thus, if I didn’t study that extra hour, and came out with a B or worse, well whose fault is that? Mine of course. Never does this fleshly mind of mine even consider that the test could be hard. That maybe the material I’m studying doesn’t contain one of the test question answers within it. Or maybe no matter how many hours I committed to studying, I just did not have the ability to understand a portion of the material presented. The reasons for a lack of success on this test are numerous, and yet the only reason for any score less then perfect, in my mind, is me.


I know this is the story of sin in my life over and over again…never feeling good enough. Never feeling like I can measure up to this standard. This standard that at one point may have been held by my parents for me, but now is completely something I bring upon myself. Whether that be academically, physically, intellectually, ministry wise, etc, its like that stupid little voice echoes between my ears from the moment my feet the floor to the moment my eyes shut, day after day. Well, I have had enough. I refuse to continue to allow satan to bring distraction, stress, and destruction upon my life anymore, even in these small areas like an anthropology test.

This is the thing…if I studied hard, in obedience to serving the Lord as a student (which is what He has called me to for this season of my life) and took this test and got something less then perfect, would I allow that to define me? Does a letter on a piece of paper tell me whether or not I’m good enough? Is this what I allow to measure my worth? I think that most of my life I have been a slave to my grades, to this perfectionist mindset. Maybe at times, it has been less evident because other sin has masked over it in my life, but at this point, as I continually am being refined by the Creator, I am seeing more and more how significant and destructive these small areas of pride are affecting me and my devotion to the Lord.

Today I realized that this constant, ceaseless drive somewhere in me to perform well, to look all put together on the outside, to be the best…in the end, what does it matter? REALLY, what does one grade on one test, one grade in one class even matter when you compare it to eternity with Christ??? Now I am not saying I need to quit studying or working hard in school…I’m not saying my time at college doesn’t matter…I know this is the job the Lord’s given me and that I’m bringing Him glory in pursuing it and doing well, HOWEVER, when I sit here and think about how stressed out I have been the past few days, how the battle in my mind was heightened a few notches, how I have experienced zero peace, even when I’m resting, how my relationships have suffered, how I haven’t received much from the Word as I read it, how I have walked around defeated. Sin ALWAYS separates us from the Father…it creates this wall. And surely striving to do well on this one test doesn’t create this 30 foot wall between He and I instantaneously, but a few layers of bricks have been laid down. Next week when I have another test, a few more will pile up. You get the picture. Not to mention, that even with those few layers of bricks, I can see the effects they have had, that this idol in my life, has had upon me and my intimacy with Christ.

I refuse to continue to put grades higher then Jesus. As crazy as that sounds to me, even typing it, that is what I’m doing. I am essentially saying, ‘Lord, I’m sorry but I know that I will never measure up unless I get an A on this test, so I have to put everything else aside to prepare for it and nothing is more important then it. I’ll spend an hour in your Word this morning, (“putting you first”) but the whole time all I will think about is how stressed I am how much I have to do and how much more I could get done if I didn’t have to read your Word right now or if I put it off til later.” Ironically, if I were really reading the Word of God and open to receiving what the Lord had to say to me before now, I would be reading about who I am in Christ…about how I am called before I was even a day old with a purpose and plan for my life. I would feel His words of love, mercy, grace, and peace flowing over every part of my body. I would understand and BELIEVE that who I am is a daughter of the most High King who has a perfect and beautiful plan for my life and His opinion is ultimately the only one that matters. I would stop looking to the faces of everyone else, of ink on a piece of paper to tell me if I am pretty enough, smart enough, perfect enough…I would start to understand a different book of black and white ink that says it is NOT even possible for me to ever be good enough…and God knew that long before He made me…so He so graciously gave His Son for me to experience the fullness of life with Him. Jesus fills the gap between my imperfection and lack of goodness and the holiness and perfectness of my Heavenly Father. Apart from Christ, I am NOTHING but a sick nasty sinner. How prideful I am to even think that getting an A on this test could change that or bring some sense of satisfaction inside of me that seems to have me convinced I am anything of worth apart from my Creator.

The Word says, “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Rom 12:2. This got me thinking...here I am walking around stressed out about school, overwhelmed, anxious, prideful, worried about what everyone else thinks, with no sense of peace or joy in my life, reaching to attain this measure of success in my life. It made me ask myself, if this is what my life is, then how does that make me look any different from the girl sitting next to me in class who doesn’t have a relationship with Christ? Truth be told, it doesn’t. The Word says we are not to conform to the world…rather, we are to be light in the darkness. And I have seen a heightened extent of that darkness on this college campus. But my life this past week had no glow about it, I just went along, blending into the rest of the darkness around me. That’s the other problem with putting grades so high that I stress out, with trying to manipulate them to build this false sense of worth…it makes me look like everyone else. And I know that the righteousness of Christ lives in me, the SAME power that conquered the grave LIVES in me…that means I should really look nothing like anyone else you know.

The second part of that verse says BUT, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So I asked myself, how do I allow the Lord to transform my mind. Instantly I think, well through time with Him and His Word of course. And what is the first place that the enemy attacked this week through this stress…my time in the Word! Even when I spent time in it, getting little tastes of it, it was like I just couldn’t digest anything I read. Praise God that His Word is LIFE to my whole being!

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a life of godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us a very great and precious promise, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."        - 2 Peter 1:3-4

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Father's Love for My Daddy

At the beining of the summer, I posted about the battle I have walked through with just trying to see my earthly dad with through the loving, forgiving, and selfless eyes of my Heavenly Father. For years now, his battle with alcohoism has brought devastation and much hurt and heartache into our relationship and the lives of my family and me. Those years have been full of ups and downs, a rollercaoster of dissapointments really.

While I was in Australia this past summer, God did some incredible things in my own life, but one of the most significant moments in my time there, was when He spoke to me about my dad. Going into this trip, I had just come out of a very challenging season of my life and was still battling some lies and working though some deep hurts. Some of this hurt had been a result of my dad. I knew in my heart that I hated him and as much as i didn't want to, I didn't know how to stop seeing him the way I did. One night when we were in the aboriginal village, my project director spoke to us on the topic of forgiveness, or a lack there of. She said two things that night that have never left me. She started off with a chain (unforgiveness) around her waist, talking about how often times, we have this big breakthrough of forgiving someone and we feel like its finally done...we've forgiven them as Christ so graciously forgave us. The chain falls to the ground, no longer entangling us! But then a few days, weeks, months go by and that person, sinful nature and all, hurt us again. This creates confusion because we already forgave them right? So how could we be struggling with their hurt again, if we know for sure that through Christ we forgave once? She continues to paint this picture by pointing to the broken chain at her feet...she says that though that chain of unforgiveness is no longer around her waist, it is just sitting there, right next to her, simply waiting to be picked back up again. How easy is it for us to do just that....to forgive, get hurt again, and just reach down and grab that chain, wrap it around us again. I know that has been the story of my life when it comes to forgiveness with my dad. I forgive, chains fall off, then I slowly let him back into my life, he hurts me again, and I just reach down and grab that chain...its safe, its all I know to do since thats what I've been doing for years. It makes total sense. But what then, does that mean? How in the world do I experience hurt from him after already forgiving him time and time again, without reaching right down for that chain every time? Well, she went on to explain that we need to learn to seperate the person from the offense. This was a crazy concept to me, something I feel like I had kind of heard at some point, but never understood it the way I did in this moment. She explained that if you believe the Word of God, then you know that Jesus died for our sins, thus He even died for that offense...right? So, really, I have NO right whatsoever to be mad at my dad for hurting me, because really it is even about me...its about his offense against the Lord, and that is something that God will deal with...but for me to say that I hate my dad for this offense, isn't even an option really, because the offense is covered by the blood...so if I am mad about the offense, its like saying I'm mad at Christ, or like His blood was enough for most sin, but not for my dad. Which is a total lie from the pits of hell. So anyway, I started working out this Truth in my head and really got to the point over that week where I understood....it was liek the Lord gave me this image in my head with the chain and the sperating of offense from the offender.

We got back to Sydney later that week and I was having a quiet time, just like any other day, but this day I wasn't really focused on the Word, I felt like I was just totally being attacked in my mind and distracted. I began asking the Lord to just reveal to me what it was in my mind and heart that was keeping me coming into His Word with the ability to recieve it and to make a really long story a bit shorter, He began speaking to me about my dad. About unforgiveness, about past hurts, about prayer. That morning, God broke my heart for my earthly father in a way I had never experienced. This was definately not something I was even looking for either...I mean I had a list of things I wanted to see God do in my time in Autralia, and this wasn't one of them. Yet in His beautiful sovergeinty and perfect timing, He knew far better then I ever could have imagined what He had planned. Begining that morning, I began praying for my dad in a way I never had.

I retunred home to the states and life got crazy and confusing for me for a good month. Despite this, the one thing that remained constant was time on my knees praying for my dad. I mean there were times when I wouldn't even get in the Word for days in a row, but it was the craziest thing, for some reason I found myself on my knees intervening on his behalf. This made no sense to me, because in my flesh, it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do.

Well, as I was preparing to leave for college, my siblings had a little get-together to get to spend some time together as a family and say goodbye for a little while anyway. I hadt seen my dad or talked to him much since being home from Australia, but the day before this gathering, he called me to make sure I would be there. Instantly, I knew that I wasn't talking to my dad...I was talking to the alcoholism that had once again taken over his life. The slurr of his words and the repition of his thoughts, made it clear to me that he was a long ways down a road that was only leading to death. I remember hanging up the phone after that conversation and just breaking down in my car in the Wal-Mart Parking Lot. I was so mad at God. I did not understand what He was trying to do to me...here I am spending hours and hours praying for this man and all I see is how much worse things are getting, and fast. I hated my dad so much and doubting God became a huge struggle for me. Later that night, I remember crying out to the Lord asking Him to make tomorrow a sweet day with my familiy, not allowing my dad to ruin it.

I didn't know the whole story at the time, but that night after hanging up with me, my dad had passed out on the floor and would be unconcouis through the night. When he woke up the next morning, he crawled over to the cabinent where he kept his bottle of Vo and proceeded to drink the entire bottle stragiht up. He should have been dead by this point, but PRAISE GOD He had another plan. My dad called my brother in law to come get him and take him to the hospital because he was feeling sick. Eventually we all fund out what was really going on, and my dad was taken to a detox program. The day withe my family was sweet, and as difficult as it was to know how bad things had gotten with dad, I think we all breathed a little sigh of releif that for the next 21 days he would be safe and we didnt have to worry.

I left for school and shortly came to find out that my dad had left rehab because there weren't enough beds for him. I was really discouraged again, begging the Lord to just stop making this so hard for me. I knew I was in a battle alongside this man I barely knew anymore, but had no idea at the time what exactly this battle was about. I kept praying for him, laying prostrate before the Lord day after day. As the words would come out of my mouth, I really dont know how much I beleived that what I was asking Him to do, was really something He could ever do, or would ever do.

Two weeks ago I got a call from my precious sister-in-law, and we had planned on catching up on this day and so I picked up the phone, so excited to get to talk to her, having no idea how this conversation would shake everything I knew in a way that I cannot fit into words. She explained to me that on that past Sunday, my dad had showed up at the church where she and my brother go. At this point, he didn't have a phone because he couldn't afford it, so he just decided to come I supposse. He sat throught he serive and afterwards, my bro and sis left but my dad ended up sticking around and talking to this guy, Ed. Now Ed had known my dad's story for a while, and had been praying for him for quite some time. Ed had once lived a life very similar to the one my dad was now consumed in. Whatever Ed had to say, my dad must have just really clicked with him. Ed started talking to my dad about Christiantity, about how God had changed his life. He basiclly laid out the gospel for him. That afternoon, sitting there talking with this sweet man, my dad gave his life to the LORD!

Tears still fall onto my cheeks everytime I try to even wrap my mind around the SOVEREIGNTY of this God who so graciously calls me His own. Ahhhhhhh I just don't know why I ever doubt Him?!? Whyyy? He has NEVER, not one time, left me down. There has NEVER, not one time, been a time when His ways have not been higher then mine, when His plans have not been better then what I could come up with. I mean He is GOD and I am me....oh how different our lives would be if we just even began to understand and remember this!

How humbling, that the God of the Universe, who spoke and breathed LIFE into the earth, that this very same God would hear the cries of my heart, would tell me to get on my knees and pray, day after day, would tell me to do it again, after I got mad at Him for not answering me, would tell me to do it again when things only worsened, would comfort me when I was hurt by the situation, would so graciously continue to hear me, when I told Him how much I hated Him. And how He would ANSWER ME, when I didn't beleive He even could.

Lord, all I can say is YOUR WAYS ARE ALWAYS HIGHER THEN MINE. And I am so deeply humbled to even get to come to you in prayer, to get to know you through your Word, to get to meet with you in the secret place. God thank you for allowing me to be your servant, for being my Daddy.

In the past 2 weeks, I have finally gotten to talk to my dad and hear what God is doing in His life from Him... I have been brought to tears in every one of those converstions. Man, do we serve a God who does the IMPOSSIBLE! I've also gotten to hear about it from my siblings who have all spent some time around this man that they say I won't even recgonize...inside or out. Ed is meeting with my dad often, walking beside Him on this journey, discipling Him in the Word and teaching Him about this increible God who brought Him from death in LIFE!

I am so incredibly humbled that the Lord even allowed me to be apart of this whole process. I am so incredibly thankful to get to know this new man my dad has become in Christ. I am so increibly blessed that I get to walk through this journey with him, to get to know the real him, the man that the Lord created, and that the Lord has only given us a glimpse of His plans and purpose for dad's life. Praise God for healing and restoration, for His unfathomable LOVE and new Mercies every morning. Praise God for saving us from the brink of death,when death is all we deserve, He gave His SON so that we may have LIFE, and LIFE to the full!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Life in Fayetteville

Well, I am finally begining to get into a sort of routine here in Fayetteville. Classes are great and I still have a lot of down time during the week which has been a huge blessing to get to spend some extra time in the Word and just trying to get ahead in my online classes. This past week I interviewed for two incredible job oppurtunities and am just praying about which to take and waiting to hear a few details from each. Both of them are totally God-ordained and I am so excieted! More to come about that :)

One really crazy thing about being here is the wide array of ministry oppurtunities between campus ministries as well as ministry at the new church I have plugged into called New Heights. I have a tendancy to want to be apart of everything and give all I have and just have a huge heart to learn ad serve which is such a blessing o course, but it also is an easy way for me to over-committ to too much and spread myself so thin that I am really not conributing to any one ministry effectively but just sort of bouncing aound from one to the next. In order to prevent this, I decided early on I would have to really listen to the Lord in what specific ministries He was calling me to. Thanks to the wisdom of one of my roomates, I sat down and made a list of every oppurtunity ministry-wise that I was intersted in. I also spent a few days last week meeting with the leadership of two on campus ministries, one church ministry, and one other random ministry. After a lot of prayer and direction from the Lord, I have decided to committ to two different ministries this week. The first is through my church, New Heights, and it is called Potter's House. It is baiscally a ministry to under-privaliged inner-city youth of Fayetteville. Specifically, I will be helping to tudor several kids during the week as well as getting to spend one-on-one time outside of Potter's House with a couple girls and am praying more about leading a small group of Potter's House girls every sunday afternoon. This is an incredibible ministry with a vision to see these kids that come from messed up homes with a lot of odds against them come to know Christ and through that hope and guidance of the Word see them experience all that life is intended to be- acedemically, relationally, and most importantly, personally. The second ministry that I have committed to is called K-Life. One of my sweet sweet friends from home, Lauren Hunter, connected me with the couple leading K-Life in Fayetteville and after meeting with Abbie this week, I knew this was exactly where the Lord was calling me. The idea of K-Life is a lot like ZOE, a ministry I have been involved in the past few years back home. K-Life creates small groups for middle school and high school students in the Fayetteville area which meet every Tuesday night. I will get to lead a few girls in one of those groups and just pour into their lives and learn through them I'm sure! I am so excited about this because I have seen the fruit of oldr women pouring into my life over and over agian and I feel equipped and excited to finally be at the point in my life where I can do the same into younger girls lives.

Besides these two ministries, I have the Lightbearers Discipleship program every week for a few hours and then some sweet time set aside with my roomates once a week as well. I am praying about getting involved in a women's bible study/small group at this point. I am also sooo blessed to have an awesome accountability partner/mentor through Lightbearers and we will also be meeting weekly and digging into the Word!

Today I went to church for early service and got to sit with my new freind from my run the park last week and her husband! I am excited to get to spend more time with Earlene and I am truly blown away by the Lord's faithfulness in just getting to meet her and now how He is just opening the doors to get to spend more time with her on a regular basis running and just haging out with other college kids at events Earlene and her husband put together! What a beautiful story of His provision and faithfulness!




Last night I got to go to my very first Razorbacks game with my sweet roomate Heather and her family. It was defiantely pretty intense but so fun...defiantely a nessecary college expereince! I even learned how to "call the hogs" which is interesting to say the least :)











More to come about all the Lord's been teaching me and a few crazy things He is doing within my family!

Here are a few pictures of my apartment and room.....