Lead Me

So for the past several months this song has been playing on the radio. Every time it would come on, it was like my heart would jump out of my chest, this deep and desperate plea for the words of this song to be the cries of husbands and daddys hearts, which in the world we live in today, seems to be a rarity indeed. Listening to the words, it really does just some up so many hurts and heartaches within the family unit, or lack there of, today. A man is created and equip by God to lead his wife and his children. This is why so many families are falling apart in recent years. I mean over HALF of marriages in this country end in divorce. HALF. That ought to disgust us, to horrify us, especially as believers, it ought to singe within us a deep desperate passion to do something about it- whether that means take on the world or to take on one's own marriage, one's own family.

As a nineteen year old college student for a long time I never knew what my role was suppossed to be in this. I mean, this is one of my passionate interests within the study of the family, probably becase I am completely blown away by how beautiful yet entirely different a home where Christ is the center is from a home where He is non-existant. I have seen in my own life the wide and painful consequences of marriages ending, of divorce, of this deep longing to be loved and accepted by someone of the opposite sex as I have seen bothof my parents model in different ways. And I know that I know that I KNOW without a doubt the picture of marriage as a covenant, a godly man submitted to the Lord leading a godly woman who also submits to the Lord above all but as an earthly picture of that, is able to submit to her husband, I KNOW that this is the ONLY way for a marriage to truly be all that Lord intends for it to be. There is no other way. There is no other method which will yeild more peace, more protection, more blessing, or more glory to God then this. This is ultimate Truth, an area in which I have made a covanent between myself and Lord to refuse to settle for anything less then this, because I am all too farmiliar with what things look like on the other side.

Praise God that in the name of Jesus this generation curse of divorce, affairs, abuse, this seeking of pleasure from anyone at any time, within generations of my family is broken with me. This is not to say, however, that this idea, this image of submitting to my husband one day as he is submitting to Christ, is not one of the scariest things in the world to me. I think a lot of this, well for sure a lot of this, is becuase whenever I think of submitting to a man, I just think of having to submit to my dad, or a man like my dad or even one of the hundreds of men my mom brought home over the years. Granted, there is NO doubt that God is moving in my dad's life now and I tear up just thinking about the transformation that is occuring before my very eyes, but this is not the man that I knew for the past 19years you know. And my mom is now married to an incredible guy whom I have so much respect for. But again, the past 19years that has not been the case. So all these years seeing all these messed up husbands and daddys have etched this picture in my mind, this horrifyingly ugly image of men, of marriage, of family life in general. The idea of submitting my life to one of these men for a long time was honestly repulsive to me.

But several weeks ago, I began praying intently for the Lord to begin to heal some of these wounds and to begin to renew my mind in this area, washing out these lies that Ihave known as truth for 19 years and to begin filling those holes with Truth. Over the past few weeks, He has begun an incredible work in my heart and my mind. One of the coolest things He has shown me is in Genesis 3 when it says in verse 16 "Your desire will be for your husban an he will rule over you," well this word "desire" is actually the same desire that Esu talks about with sin...and how sin is crouching at your dour...this desire to sin...this desire to control. So then I reaize, as women, how often do we struggle with having a desire to control things...anythng really...our husband, kids, job, money, parents...the list could go on forever. So essentially God is saying, "woman, you are going to desire to control, but grasciously I am giving you a PROTECTOR to rule over you!" This is just yet anotherincrediblely mind-blowing picture of God's grace and perfect soverignty in my life. What a GIFT submitting to my husband is going to be...and its NOT to hurt me or hinder me as a woman, it is to guard and protect and love me! I can honestly sit here writing this today and say that not only am I excited about marriage, but it is the most incredible blessing the world to get to submit to a godly man someday and to be found in the wing of his protection as we both look to Christ to hold our marriage together. This idea that there is a man with whom I will spend my life and that together we will glorify Christ more then when we are apart....even that blows my mind! God's increble story of REDMPTION, of love, of protection, of mercy and grace...it is written ALL over the bible. Even in something as little as the way a marraige should look. Oh Lord thank you!

With all of that being said, this has been my prayer for my husband....to just pray these words over his life, to have an understanding that apart from Christ, He is nothing. That without Christ, our marriage is nothing. And that through Christ, we can do anything...not because we're so great, but because of HIS incredible story of our redemption that we just get to play a little tiny part in.

I know that my marriage is not going tobe summed up by some statistic on a piece of paper. I am praying for my husband...that the Lord is just holding his heart and guiding Him in the Way that leads to life...aundant life. I pray that he is learning and growing daily. That not a day goes by He is not changed by time spent in the prescence of an ulmighty God. I pray that He is surrounding himself by godly husbands and daddys, hungry to know what it looks like to live it out every single day. Most of all, I just pray that he is falling madly, deeply and passionately in love with Jesus...and that this is what is pouring out from within him in all that he does and says.


Lead Me by Sanctus Real
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

The Blessing of Roomates

Coming here to Fayetteville, I was defiantely most nervous about coming into a new place where I knew only a few people. The community of believers whom I have been so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by in West County made it so difficult to leave STL for school. I had prepared myself for the worst, already telling myself that I just needed to stop comparing my new life to back home because there was no way I could ever be surrounded by such an incredible spiritual family.

Thinking about it a couple months later, all I can say is praise God for allowing me to live in such an incredible community of girls. My roomates are the sweetest gift from the Lord and I just thank God for each of them, their quirks, their wisdom, the way we just laugh together! The encouragement that come through our sisterhood in Christ is something I cannot put into words. Its only been a couple months and already, I just couldn't imagine my life without these three precious girls!

I want to share just a little bit about each of these precious girls who have become sisters to me.

Rachel

When I think of Rachel, I think of how she is wise beyond her years. I think of her bluntness and honesty. Sometimes all I can do is laugh. I love this about her. She has no problem with telling it like it is. But always in a way that comes across gently, maybe from experience or some sense of relateability. For Rachel, it may be really hard to be real sometimes, but when she does open up, it's like I just want to pick her brain for hours. I can relate to her in so many ways. She loves to talk to other people about real stuff in their lives. Her thoughts are so transparent, talking to her is a joy and blessing. I am excited to see what God does in her own life this year...how He is going to honor this increible valnurability that she has. I love getting to be around Rachel...sometimes I don't think she really sees all the gifts and wisdom the Lord has given her. I love Rach's heart for her family....she is just so great at loving them well. Just hearing her talk about them sometimes, makes me realize just how much I have to learn about selfless love for those closest to you.   

 

Kelley

When I think of Kelley, I just can't help but smile. Kelley is full of life, the life Jesus talks about, the one He died to give us. Kelley is one of those people you just love to be around. I have never laughed so hard in my life at some of the things she says. She is so real...I love this about her too. That as goofy as she is sometimes, some of the most encouraging conversations I've had have been with her. I love when I hear her rambling through the door becuase I know that in a matter of 10 seconds she will make it back to my room, come in and I may not get anything done for th next 20 mins, but she aways seems to say exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment...whether its something in her life or asking me about something specific. I feel like whenever I have one of those days and just want to punch satan in the face, Kell will be right next to me, boxing gloves and all. I also see a spirit of persevere in Kelley that blows my mind...she is a fighter. Whenever I think of that verse that talks about fighting the good fight, finishing the race, and keeping the faith...that about sums up Kelley.

 

Heather

Oh my sweet sister friend. When I think of Heather, I think of wisdom and faithfulness. I know that if I ever have a question about anything in scripture or any theological issue, Heather will either have the answer, have a reasource to refer me to, or search for it until she figures it out. Heather is a woman of the Word. And she is so faithful to the Lord...in her time studying His Truth, in her time praying for this minstry, praying for her roomies, praying for the nations. She is so incredibly faithful in the small things, things that I may have never even considered before. Simply getting to live in the room right next to her, I have been more challenged and my eyes have been more opened to areas of my own life where I am lacking a solidity or knowledge or understanding. Jesus in her ministers to my heart daily. Then there's the goofy side of Heather...her laugh changes every time, even in the middle of laughing and even when I have no idea what's so funny, she just makes me laugh. I love that she is so passionate about particular things...spinah leaves, squash, farmer's market, chickens, and microwaves to name a few. I see so much in Heather that I can relate to. I so look forward to her coming home every day and just getting to talk about our days, what the Lord's teaching us, struggles, battle with sin, life really. Our conversations always leave me challenged and encouraged. Most of the time, I dont even think Heather sees how beautiful she is, simply because Christ dwells inside of her.

I am so incredibly blessed to get to be living in community with these three girls this year.