Do you know misery? Do you know darkness? Do you know pain? Do you know hopelessness? Do you know worthlessness? Do you know torment? Do you know that feeling, the one that makes you wish you could just disappear?
Do you know the desperation, the burning and gnawing wretchedness that leads one to truly believe that the brightest alternative to this hell on earth, the easiest way to disappear, to escape from it all, is to bury oneself alive…literally?
A while back, I heard a story that comes to mind right now. Tonight I have been wrestling mercilessly in my head with this desire to have mercy for the ONE verses this calling to fight for justice for the HUNDREDS. Either way, there are cons. Sure, I could help the one, but in doing so would I harm the hundreds? How much help could I really offer to the one, that is after she was taken to a safe place…then what? I could help the hundreds over months and years, but what about the one that is being raped and beaten as I type this?
Mercy or Justice? The proper proportionate mixture of the two. It is a war that wages in my head continually these days. Whose side I am on, I honestly could not tell you.
But tonight as I was spending some time crying out on behalf of the ONE, the Lord gently confirmed my pleas by reminding me of a story I heard a bit ago. I changed it up a little bit and added my own take on it, but the concreteness of it is factual. It is utterly gut-wrenching and certainly inspires a sense of mercy for even the most heartless of persons.
A man was visiting a brothel. He was actually an undercover cop, but no one knew it. He was walking through the building, getting the lay of the land within this prominent Red Light District. As his eyes darted from room to room, corner to corner, he took up notes in his head as to the placement of everything. He knew in a few months he would be back here; the next time, he wouldn’t be undercover.
A few weeks prior, the authorities had several reports of possible cases of trafficking. It led to the discovery of a large trafficking ring, actually over 30 brothels intertwined, in one way or another. This was one of them. He was here on a mission; one which he could not act on until it could all come down at once. He was doing justice. It took time. But the payoff, well, the payoff would result in the HUNDREDS being set free.
As he finished up touring the inside, he noticed a door leading out back. He had come in broad daylight, so many of the young girls, free from the demand of their clientele, were playing outside on this sunny day. The door banged shut behind him as he took several steps out onto the back patio. His eyes skimmed the surroundings, as he immediately envisioned the troops surrounding the tall wooden fence, which currently served to lock these girls into this hellish nightmare. His plan of action was just about complete.
As he turned to head back into the darkness of the brothel, something caught his eye. He glanced back, as if his eyes were playing tricks on him. After all, there is no way he just saw what he thought he just saw. Slowly, he rotated his body back in the direction of the east end of the yard. Much of the terrain where the little girls were playing was sheeted in lifeless brown grass. Then there were certain parts of the ground encompassing the fence that were simply covered in dirt. Sitting deep in the shadow of the fence, he wonders how he even noticed her. Her skin was a light hazelnut, her tattered brown curls fell well past her shoulders. She was hunched over a bit, sitting in the dirt.
He watched her for a few long moments, as his eyes seemed to struggle to transmit to the proper signals to his brain to process what he was actually seeing. After all, this wasn’t the kind of thing they prepared you for in the force. This wasn’t the kind of thing they prepared you for in parenthood. This was just not something you would ever think you might need to be prepared for. In fact, nothing could prepare you for something of this gravity.
Hunched over, he watched as she leaned forward took up a handful of dirt into her palm. He felt his legs beging to wobble a bit, as he seemed to be losing his balance. He could not take his eyes off of her, though everything in him wanted to. He wished to run…to close his eyes and run away, like this wasn’t happening right before him. And yet, something kept his feet plastered to the ground beneath him. His eyes, wider then they ever have been, continued to watch her with great intent.
She sat back a bit, her bottom gently landing in the little pile of dirt that she rested on. He watched as she took the handful of dirt she had just picked up from the ground and proceeded to dump it right onto the top of her head. He watched her pale face expressionless face as she continued reaching forward and sweeping up large handfuls of dirt into her palms, and then piled it atop her curly locks of hair. It began to sweep down over her eyes, some piling up atop her sharp shoulder blades. Her white tank top was completely dusted in the russet dirt, its red undertones disguising her lighter complexion.
After an hour or so, of just being glued to that spot, one of the girls who had been playing with a ball walked over to the man. She followed his eyes which were still glued to the little girl covering herself in dirt. She tugged on the bottom of his shirt, breaking his trance and getting his attention. He looked down at her, her big brown eyes gazing up at him. Broken from his state of denial, he hesitated before proceeding to ask the childlike teenage girl what exactly that young girl was doing over there by fence.
Having already seen the child of whom he was speaking, the girl refused to unlock her eyes from his. She solemnly replied, looking straight into his eyes. She was taken from her maw when she was five years old. She new here. Last night, madam asked me to take her upstairs and get her ready for her debut. Her whole body, it was shakin as I applied the pink blush and dull lipstick. I tried to tell her she had to stop those tremors or they were gunna beat on her, but she didn’t seem to hear what I told her.
I took hold a her hand and escorted her to the line up. Several of the customers fought to have her. She was new, pure. Her kind was in high demand round here. Madam knew it too. It doesn’t happen this way much, but madam let them all have at her at once. Ten of them maybe. I sat outside the whole time. We could all hear her cries as they slapped her around her, the screams as they each got their go at her. Madam had me drug her up afterwards. She was pretty bloody, pretty darn messed up. I tried to talk to her, to tell her it would be okay. She just kept on staring away, gone to another place it seemed.
I guess she already gone and lost all her hope because now she over there trying to bury herself in that dirt pile. She done can’t handle the pain no more. She tryin to go on disappearing. I guess we all try to. She just out here makin it happen in the physical.
He stood, perfectly still, the tears pouring down his cheeks, as he realized that this one, this precious little girl, did not have enough time for him to do justice. He could not wait a month, a year, for the go ahead to save the hundreds. This ONE would not make it til then. The ONE needed him today, right now. He was overwhelmed by mercy. As he began striding towards her dirt pile in the corner of the yard, he decided that in this moment, right now, SHE mattered more then the hundreds.
Again I ask, do you know the desperation, the burning and gnawing wretchedness that leads one to truly believe that the brightest alternative to this hell on earth, the easiest way to disappear, to escape from it all, is to bury oneself alive…literally?
This precious little girl, made in the image God, birthed into this world with a divine purpose, plan, hope and future, set apart, beautiful in His eyes, is hurting so much that she sits in a pile of dirt, attempting to bury herself in it. This is when mercy for the ONE matters. Her life matters.
"Before I formed yo in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jer. 1:5
