A few months go, the LORD began to break my heart for girls enslaved to human sex traficking. As the months have progressed, that draw in my heart to these women has only grown and deepened. I am in the process right now of pursing several different ministries reaching out to these enslaved girls and I am praying about the Lord's call on my life in regaurds to this in the future. As He has continued to break my heart to see these girls walk in freedom in HIM, I decided to share my thoughts from several months ago, when all of this really began. How beautiful and gentle He is with me!
September 21, 2010
Lord God, tonight I got a tiny, tiny glimpse of something that breaks your heart breaking mine. Lord, I just look around my room late at night because I cant sleep after watching this movie “Trade.” I look around and I see smiles, laughter and happy moments surrounding me. Images of my baptism, my graduation from mercy, all of my friends around me for hot summer nights, my family all together at the beach when I came to know you, the finish line of the run for mercy- what an accomplishment! Pictures with kangaroos and aboriginal children from my mission trip to serve you. Precious friends you have so used to pour into, bless and encourage me through my life with you. Each of these images reflect the deepest joy and happiest moments in my life with knowing you. Each of them are so significant of how you have transformed me. What a celebration this should be yes? To look upon my walls and rejoice at the work you have done in my life…the places I was and where I am now…to have my life painted around me, a life which is sold out to bring glory to Your Name, God. But tonight, as I look upon those walls, my watering eyes glazing over each of these images, scanning them for the happiness of each moment to return, I felt nothing but disgust. It took everything in me not to just start punching the wall, shattering the glass and destroying the image inside of it. I want to tear them each down. I want to smack that girl in those pictures. I want to SCREAM at her to WAKE UP! To step outside of this little dream world full of smiles and friends and celebrations and see reality for what it is…to see anyone but my freaking self when I look around my room.
When I see the horrors going on around me, literally in my state, in my neighborhood even, worldwide, it makes me feel sick. These children, these girls have everything stolen from them. They are tortured in ways that I could not even wrap my mind around. They are living in hell on earth…that’s all I can even begin to describe it as. Slaves, a piece of property, an animal, worse then an animal, bound to this hell, no hope for a way out. Man after man, each walking away with some piece of her heart, stealing more then her virginity, more then her dignity, more then her worth. He is stealing her innocence, her HOPE, her ability to receive unconditional, life-changing love from YOU Lord God. Praise you that YOUR WAYS are higher then those of man…ISA 61…you are calling me to these girls.
I declare this right now a moment in my life that I will look back on 5 years from now, 20 years from now, at the end of my days and say that on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2010 at 12:58am you broke my heart for your precious children tortured, bound, enslaved, hopeless, broken, and dying at the hands of the global human sex-trafficking industry. Lord God, I don’t know what this means, I don’t know what it is going to look like, all I know is that I am yours…have all of me. And that nothing in my life really matters the way I thought it did, the way I’ve been acting like it does. You have ignited a burning passion deep within my core Lord God, a flame that I pray does not dwindle any longer. I flame that no devil in hell can snuff out. God I ask you to brand deep into every fiber of my being this calling to rescue and watch YOU transform these girls lives. To see hope restored and lives transformed. God you are the only ONE who is able. Lord God thank you that you hear each of their cries right now. Here in the states, over seas, in Ethiopia, in Mumbai, in Greece, in Mexico Lord God they are your beloved babies and no mother on earth will ever be able to get close to comprehending the love YOU have for these girls Lord God. A daddy’s love. A daddy’s protection. A daddy’s desire to see justice prevail. Oh my sweet Jesus thank you for drawing me close to you, close enough that when you whisper in my ear I hear you. Lord God, thank you for your WORD that is LIFE to my body, to my mind, and to the calling you have placed upon my life.
Until you move me Lord God, until you open the door you have planned, I will serve you right here. I will wake up everyday ready to learn from your Word, passionately pursing you no matter what my feelings, circumstances or people say otherwise. God I know you brought me to Fayetteville, AR for a reason and until you release me I will put in the work, I will put in the hours and KNOW YOUR WORD. I want to know YOU lord God. I want all of you, allllll of you forever and ever. Do whatever you need to do in my life Lord God, in my heart. Tear me apart and mold me back together to look more like you if that’s what you need to do Lord, all I am is YOURS! Get it all out of me…get the crap out of me. I know I am a sinner and apart from YOU in me, there is nothing good about me. I know I screw up a lot and I am a selfish, prideful jerk all the time. Lord God I want people to look on my life and see nothing but YOU. I know there are some major struggles in my mind, my life Lord God, consequences of past sin. Lord you are Jehovah Rapha, God my HEALER, so heal those deep wounds I hold so deep in there. Lord keep bringing out the junk if it brings you the glory.
And through it all, never let me forget their faces. Never cleanse my mind of the incomprehensible acts of evil which wound them physically and bind them mentally. Brand those images into my mind and never let me forget. They are not just numbers, statistics that flash across the screen, they are not just names. They are precious children of my FATHER whom He loves and whom He has purposed for a hope and a future that is GOOD. My sisters in CHRIST whom I love with the love the Father has so graciously lavished upon me, when I DON’T deserve it.
Lord God, give me more faces. I want to see them. I want to see them. Interrupt me, anytime anywhere to intervene on their behalf in prayer. Bind my heart to theirs through you love where no enemy can sever the bond…JESUS JESUS JESUS!
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I hurt with you....you feel it deeper than me. Your plea to God to keep reminding you is so often the opposite of my plea to him to keep me ignorant....what an ignorant plea I selfishly make. I admire sweet Jesus in you. Keep writing...
ReplyDeleteI admire your honesty. Too many people walk around with their eyes closed to the reality of this injustice. Their selfish ways are higher than those of God's, and their pride is far too great to allow God to move in their life. In our weakness HE is made strong. In our ability to step aside, lay down our faults, cast down our fears... that's when God moves. I am also praying about something burning deep in my heart and often have to remind myself that God has perfect timing. I can't wait to hear more of what God is doing in your life. Love.
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