Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed--by life, by decisions, by oppurtunities, by JESUS! Oh if my brain could only begin to understand His love, I think it would just fall righ out of my head. There are so many decisions to make as a twenty-something-year-old college student.
major.
job.
husband.
school.
place to live.
money.
ministries to serve in.
friendships.
habits.
theology.
lifetyle.
passions.
vision.
dreams.
Oh I could go on forever. I feel like I am at a pivitol point in my life right now, yet I'm not exactly sure what this means or whether or not I paricularly like it. Yet, here I am. I sit as an avid onlooker as I begin to observe friends make some of these decisions. I see them choosing a degree. Planning a future with a soon to be husband. Pusing the job of thier dreams. I even see them taking interest in a budget! :) And I ask myself, when did it happen? When did we leave childhood and grow up? Yesterday I was just a careless kid without a worry in the world and now...well now I am expected to make decisions that effect the rest of my life. Where is the off switch? I can't seem to make it stop! Growing up? Really?! Make it STOP!
Mostly, there are just so many things the Lord has laid on my heart, so many things I want to do, places I want to go, people I want to minister to, things I want to learn, ways I want to serve, missions I want to fund. Every which way I look lately, I see opputunity after oppurtuniy presenting itself and yet how do I decifer what areas He is calling me to serve in? Where He wants me to go? What He wants me to do? Need I go on?
But then I am brought back down to the point of understanding that this life...MY LIFE...is a VAPOR! Yes a vapor. Wow. Better make it count. Better spend every moment loving like Him, sharing His name, glorifying His Word, being changed by the Spirit of God that lives in me. Apart from this, what does the rest of it matter?
Until tomorrow, when the list of oppurtunities and decisions overtakes my thoughts yet again....
You are a thinker... a re-thinker... and a think again thinker :) Not only is your life a vapor and you need to live NOW to serve Him.... but on the flip side you are only 20. You do not have to have your whole life figured out yet. And just to remind you, your teen years weren't lived very carelessly now were they? You were worrying and fearful... so take your 20's and live in the freedom you have found! Serving a God you love, enjoying your friends and family, and reaching those who need you and your love. God has your future planned out already, and quite frankly He doesn't even need your help figuring it out ;) And as you know, you can't go comparing your life and time line to others.... I know you were just venting but I wanted to be a big sis and remind you of all of that. .
ReplyDeleteFor I know the plans I have for you... My ways are higher than your ways, my thoughts greater than your thoughts.... He's gotcha Court! I am 26 and still trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life and where God wants to use me... every year its something different, always changing. I am so proud of what you have done with your life so far... and how much you want to live the rest of it out for Him. I love you!