— Elisabeth Elliot
I spent the past semester in friendship and then a dating relationship with a sweet boy who has a beautiful heart for the Lord. We enjoyed our time together, laughing, challenging one another and learning about the Maker. We set incredible boundaries. We had older men and women, couples, and friends surrounding us, pouring into us and keeping us accountable. We each have an intimate relationship with Jesus, which we placed before everything else…including one another. We decided early on that snuggling, caressing, and kissing were not even up for discussion until there was a ring on my finger. We wouldn’t spend time talking on the phone that day, if we hadn’t both been in the Word that morning. I don’t share this to boast or to get a pat on the back, but more so to say that we were doing most things pretty well…at least as best we knew how. Both of hearts desire was and still is nothing more then to glorify God in our own lives, and more so as we came together in a relationship by maintaining our purity and guarding one another. I knew that we were "different"...we were doing it all right...we were being obedient to the Lord. Despite doing all of things “right” and doing the best we knew how, there came a point when I knew that pursuing this relationship further would not continue to bring glory to the Maker. Nothing “bad” ever happened nor did I ever stop having feelings for him. Yet, I knew that for some reason at this point in my life, obedience to God required ending this relationship. Even just yesterday, a month after it happened, I still have people call and ask me to explain what happened because they don’t understand. I wish that I understood fully. One thing I do know is that I am not ready for marriage. Another thing I know is that I am never going to date a boy again...I understand now how God did not create us to date...we are created for marriage. I do not stand an exeption to that rule as I thought I did :) The last thing I know is that when it is time to meet the man I am going to marry, the Lord will have already prepared us both and he will know I am his. This is how it is intended to be; we are simply not created to be in relationship with the opposite sex outside of the marriage covenant. I won't settle for anything less.
God just reminded me of the purity I desire before Him. He is showing me what purity really means. I’d never thought much about it, but purity is so much more then my body and my heart even. That means I have the responsibility to save so much more for my husband then just my heart and my body. Even saving certain conversations, certain activities, time with my family, holidays, giving gifts, words of affirmation, being told certain things even….I learned/am learning that purity is so much more then heart and body thing, but that it is literally EVERY aspect of your life that you share in depth with someone. I don’t want to be married to my husband one day and think back to waking up in my PJs with this boy who wasn’t him years down the road. I don’t want my husband to write a song for me and as he plays it I am thinking of the boy who wrote and sang me one years ago. I don’t want anyone BUT my husband to know the intimate details of my life….my biggest fears, deepest passions, visions for my life. Even something as simple as worshipping in the body together is a BIG deal and something that I want to only experience with my husband!!!! It’s a process I guess and I am learning.
My time with Him is sooooooooooo precious to me…more then ever before actually. I have a whole new understanding of Him being my groom, my Father, and LORD. Crazy. He is enthralled by me, knows me intimately, He protects me like a dad, and He has my life (my future husband) all under control…He already knows how the story ends, after all He wrote it before I was a day old…whaaaat?! I have nothing to worry about…really. My flesh tries to convince me otherwise, even just the reactions of my family who loved getting to know this boy, not understanding how nothing happened, yet I sent him home on a plane all of a sudden…you must be crazy Courtney, what are you thinking?! And yet…HE IS LORD. I know whose voice better be louder in my life…and unless it is, I know that my life just won’t make sense. At the end of the day, He really is ENOUGH!
"God is God. Because he is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what he is up to."
— Elisabeth Elliot
No comments:
Post a Comment